My post title reminds me of 50 Cents song : "I don't know what you heard about me, but no binsh ain't get no dollar outta me..."
Now, I am no dude but no way I'm letting myself become a classic Mumu for some babe "Oloun maje!" I don't live in Lagos to count bridges and refuse to give away my hard earned cash to some "olosi-omo" which by the way, means Foolish child, for those who don't understand Yoruba here. I have a few friends that should rather be referred to as leeches. They want to crash in your house, they want to eat your food, drive your car, wear your clothes, shop on your tab, matter of fact... They want to live off of you! I don't get it though. Men think there are gold diggers? Let's look at it this way, the men get to take a dip in their cherry pots, yes? In my opinion, that is called "trade by barter". As a stupid lecturer once told me, scratch my back, I scratch your back. However, what do you call ladies that live off their fellow women and of course bed-matics aren't involved in this annoying game. They eat you out of food and house, follow you shopping and of course... You pay! They order this and that and charge it to you because the creditors know you and are not bothered giving out stuff supposedly for you. And because you have a reputation to protect, of course you pay!
Yes, I dey vex. I recently had to throw one such twat out of my house. The way the babe take move in sef, na like film trick wey never clear for my eye. I got a call telling me a sob story about how she just got laid off at work and of course, she no longer feels safe in abuja seeing as how the last bomb blast hit quite close to her house. She was running scared and needed to relocate to Lagos and I'm sort of her only friend here in Lagos. As better babe that I am, I agreed when she asked to stay in my home for one month to enable her get a place of her own. My darling, na so one month take grow belle oh! Babe stayed and refused to leave. I dropped so many hints, I'd always buy her the latest Castle magazine and even circle the options within her budget. Babe no gree take hint. It would have been bearable assuming she hadn't somewhat forgotten that I'm not her boyfriend in whose home she can Lounge in with a chef to prepare her meals, and a steward to clean up after her mess. She drops clothes everywhere, plates of unfinished food lying around, all sorts of annoying rubbish. She won't cook to save her life, and house work isn't in her dictionary... Uh uhn. I go shopping with the girls and of course she comes along and carries this woebegone look that has us paying for her purchases as well because bish hasn't got a job to pay her bills. We go out for lunch, dinner, drinks, whatever... Of course she does not bring a kobo to contribute yet she must have ordered twice as much as well as double desserts. And while I'm away at work trying to earn my money, she stays home eating me out of the house and watching all the re-runs of America's Next Top Model, American Idol, Desperate Housewives, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians, of course. What happened to looking for her own apartment and a new job?
Anyway, I got pissed off and had to send her packing. I came back home and she wasn't there which turned out to be a short-lived relief because before I could even relax and stretch out my tired body, I heard people right outside my door apparently making out and then the door opens to give me an unrestricted view of my "friend's" bum held tightly by a masculine hand and his mouth fastened to hers while her hand was lost somewhere in his jeans...
That was just too much! I stood up and they didn't even acknowledge my presence. I marched to the guest bedroom where she'd been staying, brought out her suitcases, flung her clothes and shoes into them and the ones that couldn't go in, I threw them into shopping bags. I dragged them out to the living room door, walked up to her kneeling in front of him doing ish, and dragged her all the way to the door. I hope she didn't bite something significant on bros while I pulled her, though that would only serve them right. I was on an indignant roll!! Without even speaking a word, I kicked her, her bags, and her booty call straight out of my house! I don't invite men into MY house and I expressly told her this. Where did she get off inviting a virtual stranger to my house at a few minutes past 10pm???? If she dey craze, make she no bring craze come my side oh!!
Now, I am no dude but no way I'm letting myself become a classic Mumu for some babe "Oloun maje!" I don't live in Lagos to count bridges and refuse to give away my hard earned cash to some "olosi-omo" which by the way, means Foolish child, for those who don't understand Yoruba here. I have a few friends that should rather be referred to as leeches. They want to crash in your house, they want to eat your food, drive your car, wear your clothes, shop on your tab, matter of fact... They want to live off of you! I don't get it though. Men think there are gold diggers? Let's look at it this way, the men get to take a dip in their cherry pots, yes? In my opinion, that is called "trade by barter". As a stupid lecturer once told me, scratch my back, I scratch your back. However, what do you call ladies that live off their fellow women and of course bed-matics aren't involved in this annoying game. They eat you out of food and house, follow you shopping and of course... You pay! They order this and that and charge it to you because the creditors know you and are not bothered giving out stuff supposedly for you. And because you have a reputation to protect, of course you pay!
Yes, I dey vex. I recently had to throw one such twat out of my house. The way the babe take move in sef, na like film trick wey never clear for my eye. I got a call telling me a sob story about how she just got laid off at work and of course, she no longer feels safe in abuja seeing as how the last bomb blast hit quite close to her house. She was running scared and needed to relocate to Lagos and I'm sort of her only friend here in Lagos. As better babe that I am, I agreed when she asked to stay in my home for one month to enable her get a place of her own. My darling, na so one month take grow belle oh! Babe stayed and refused to leave. I dropped so many hints, I'd always buy her the latest Castle magazine and even circle the options within her budget. Babe no gree take hint. It would have been bearable assuming she hadn't somewhat forgotten that I'm not her boyfriend in whose home she can Lounge in with a chef to prepare her meals, and a steward to clean up after her mess. She drops clothes everywhere, plates of unfinished food lying around, all sorts of annoying rubbish. She won't cook to save her life, and house work isn't in her dictionary... Uh uhn. I go shopping with the girls and of course she comes along and carries this woebegone look that has us paying for her purchases as well because bish hasn't got a job to pay her bills. We go out for lunch, dinner, drinks, whatever... Of course she does not bring a kobo to contribute yet she must have ordered twice as much as well as double desserts. And while I'm away at work trying to earn my money, she stays home eating me out of the house and watching all the re-runs of America's Next Top Model, American Idol, Desperate Housewives, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians, of course. What happened to looking for her own apartment and a new job?
Anyway, I got pissed off and had to send her packing. I came back home and she wasn't there which turned out to be a short-lived relief because before I could even relax and stretch out my tired body, I heard people right outside my door apparently making out and then the door opens to give me an unrestricted view of my "friend's" bum held tightly by a masculine hand and his mouth fastened to hers while her hand was lost somewhere in his jeans...
That was just too much! I stood up and they didn't even acknowledge my presence. I marched to the guest bedroom where she'd been staying, brought out her suitcases, flung her clothes and shoes into them and the ones that couldn't go in, I threw them into shopping bags. I dragged them out to the living room door, walked up to her kneeling in front of him doing ish, and dragged her all the way to the door. I hope she didn't bite something significant on bros while I pulled her, though that would only serve them right. I was on an indignant roll!! Without even speaking a word, I kicked her, her bags, and her booty call straight out of my house! I don't invite men into MY house and I expressly told her this. Where did she get off inviting a virtual stranger to my house at a few minutes past 10pm???? If she dey craze, make she no bring craze come my side oh!!
.jpg)
