Hello Darlings!
Allow me to start this post with a huge disclaimer... I LOVE GARFIELD! I do and I say that freely with no streak of dishonesty. Who wouldn't? He hates Mondays, loves lasagne, hates exercise like I do, chooses what he wants to do and does not raise a finger to do what he doesn't and best of all... exists only in my TV!
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That said, I am not a cat person. They freak me out! They have the cute ones like the Persians that can be adorable balls of fur, I know. With all that soft fur that they sometimes delight in rubbing all over your leg. I admit that. However, if you are a sincere Nigerian that has been witness to so many Nollywood movies depicting said cats as transformed human witches, you'd totally agree with my fear. I once saw a woman being chased transform into a cat while I was still in secondary school. If na you nko? You'd still cuddle them? I can't shout when it comes to cats oh! Especially all these "loki" cats all over Naija that are almost always colored black with devil-green eyes that steadily watch you (Mental shake-down), I just can't deal.
Anyway, the gist I'm about to give you is not even remotely funny. It was downright scary and I feared for my life. Truly.
I was invited to a party at Ilashe private beach with Ivy and her latest Naija bobo. Yes, she's in town again so life is one huge waka! Apparently he owns a beach house there and trust me to get all excited! Bikini, sunglasses, martini bianco and endless blue water... sighhhh
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The show started as the boat started its cruise to Ilashe. I was having my own personal photo shoot with a willing guest as the photographer and of course he's male. In my bid to strike a pose I always see in magazines, I went to lean out over the rail on the upper deck of the boat and almost found myself in the water! One minute I had a tiny smile on my upturned lips and lowered eyelids with one leg slightly raised and the next minute, I felt the boat lurch as it hit a wave or something and I felt myself falling backward then forward again as my photographer quickly saved me from falling into the water and dying of fright!
Well, I decided to respect myself after that and go below deck to stay and forget about watching the water as we cruised. I quickly poured myself some brandy and started to read the novel I brought with me. I had not even read one line when I felt something soft brush against my leg and then the next instant, it was on my laps. I screamed!!! And in the process of screaming, choked on the brandy I had just tried to drink. I looked down and saw not one, not two, but three cats looking at me curiously with green eyes with one picking itself off the floor and glaring at me with a "meow" after I had unceremoniously dropped it on the floor in my haste to stand.
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Then I was running with tears pouring down my face and fire burning down my throat and into my belly. Everybody ran down to see what was up and of course, I collided with them and we all fell in one big heap which gave one imperious cat the audacity to come lick my face. Oh My God... if anything, I screamed louder than ever before! Then the rest of the group realized what was freaking me out and started laughing at me rather loudly. I didn't find that funny one bit and demanded the boat turn around and drop me back at the jetty! Of course I did not get my wish. Their nerve!!
I had no choice but to go back up and sit with my legs raised. Anxiously looking around to be sure no cat came up to terrorise me as well as holding myself so rigid so I don't fall into the water for real. I wanted to cry, how could all this have been happening to ME???? I am the queen of elegance and poise. All in less than 30 minutes too! I was mortified and so grateful when the boat anchored at Ilashe. I could finally regain my dignity and try to have some fun which is exactly what I was doing when I joined Mina and Franque on the quad bike to ride across the beach. Mina and I sat by Franque's side and screamed at the top of our voices all the way. Franque was riding like he was competing in the Grand Prix... he was FASTTTT and I was loving it. We spurred him on to go even faster. The adrenaline rush was insane and we were laughing so hard!
Up until I found myself unceremoniously flying through the air and then rolling in the sand! No no no... not again! I picked myself up and through sand-filled eyes, saw Mina in the sand as well. This was good!!! I could not help it, I burst into wild laughter holding my sides and simultaneously trying to cough out the sand that had filled my mouth. I had it everywhere... in my mouth, my eyes, my hair, my body, in my bikini!!
Apparently Mina had tried to alert Franque to my fall and fallen off when he made a quick turn to come help me up. This cracked me up even more, I won't even lie. We got back on the bike and demanded some more of the fun but Franque insisted on taking us back to the beach house for a shower and a swim to wash away all the sand... as if! Spoil sport!!!
I did not realise what had happened for real till I got back home and could not raise my arm which I had used to brace my fall. My neck was stiff and I had bruises on my side, on my lips and just above it. Drat!!! Now THAT, was no fun I can guarantee you!
Thanks to that, I declined a beach picnic invite at Eleko from Somi for today. I dey craze? Them send them? Kilode?!
Bisous darlings,
MIZ
Allow me to start this post with a huge disclaimer... I LOVE GARFIELD! I do and I say that freely with no streak of dishonesty. Who wouldn't? He hates Mondays, loves lasagne, hates exercise like I do, chooses what he wants to do and does not raise a finger to do what he doesn't and best of all... exists only in my TV!
That said, I am not a cat person. They freak me out! They have the cute ones like the Persians that can be adorable balls of fur, I know. With all that soft fur that they sometimes delight in rubbing all over your leg. I admit that. However, if you are a sincere Nigerian that has been witness to so many Nollywood movies depicting said cats as transformed human witches, you'd totally agree with my fear. I once saw a woman being chased transform into a cat while I was still in secondary school. If na you nko? You'd still cuddle them? I can't shout when it comes to cats oh! Especially all these "loki" cats all over Naija that are almost always colored black with devil-green eyes that steadily watch you (Mental shake-down), I just can't deal.
Anyway, the gist I'm about to give you is not even remotely funny. It was downright scary and I feared for my life. Truly.
I was invited to a party at Ilashe private beach with Ivy and her latest Naija bobo. Yes, she's in town again so life is one huge waka! Apparently he owns a beach house there and trust me to get all excited! Bikini, sunglasses, martini bianco and endless blue water... sighhhh
The show started as the boat started its cruise to Ilashe. I was having my own personal photo shoot with a willing guest as the photographer and of course he's male. In my bid to strike a pose I always see in magazines, I went to lean out over the rail on the upper deck of the boat and almost found myself in the water! One minute I had a tiny smile on my upturned lips and lowered eyelids with one leg slightly raised and the next minute, I felt the boat lurch as it hit a wave or something and I felt myself falling backward then forward again as my photographer quickly saved me from falling into the water and dying of fright!
Well, I decided to respect myself after that and go below deck to stay and forget about watching the water as we cruised. I quickly poured myself some brandy and started to read the novel I brought with me. I had not even read one line when I felt something soft brush against my leg and then the next instant, it was on my laps. I screamed!!! And in the process of screaming, choked on the brandy I had just tried to drink. I looked down and saw not one, not two, but three cats looking at me curiously with green eyes with one picking itself off the floor and glaring at me with a "meow" after I had unceremoniously dropped it on the floor in my haste to stand.
Then I was running with tears pouring down my face and fire burning down my throat and into my belly. Everybody ran down to see what was up and of course, I collided with them and we all fell in one big heap which gave one imperious cat the audacity to come lick my face. Oh My God... if anything, I screamed louder than ever before! Then the rest of the group realized what was freaking me out and started laughing at me rather loudly. I didn't find that funny one bit and demanded the boat turn around and drop me back at the jetty! Of course I did not get my wish. Their nerve!!
I had no choice but to go back up and sit with my legs raised. Anxiously looking around to be sure no cat came up to terrorise me as well as holding myself so rigid so I don't fall into the water for real. I wanted to cry, how could all this have been happening to ME???? I am the queen of elegance and poise. All in less than 30 minutes too! I was mortified and so grateful when the boat anchored at Ilashe. I could finally regain my dignity and try to have some fun which is exactly what I was doing when I joined Mina and Franque on the quad bike to ride across the beach. Mina and I sat by Franque's side and screamed at the top of our voices all the way. Franque was riding like he was competing in the Grand Prix... he was FASTTTT and I was loving it. We spurred him on to go even faster. The adrenaline rush was insane and we were laughing so hard!
Up until I found myself unceremoniously flying through the air and then rolling in the sand! No no no... not again! I picked myself up and through sand-filled eyes, saw Mina in the sand as well. This was good!!! I could not help it, I burst into wild laughter holding my sides and simultaneously trying to cough out the sand that had filled my mouth. I had it everywhere... in my mouth, my eyes, my hair, my body, in my bikini!!
Apparently Mina had tried to alert Franque to my fall and fallen off when he made a quick turn to come help me up. This cracked me up even more, I won't even lie. We got back on the bike and demanded some more of the fun but Franque insisted on taking us back to the beach house for a shower and a swim to wash away all the sand... as if! Spoil sport!!!
I did not realise what had happened for real till I got back home and could not raise my arm which I had used to brace my fall. My neck was stiff and I had bruises on my side, on my lips and just above it. Drat!!! Now THAT, was no fun I can guarantee you!
Thanks to that, I declined a beach picnic invite at Eleko from Somi for today. I dey craze? Them send them? Kilode?!
Bisous darlings,
MIZ
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