NEVER TOO LATE... Allen

Gosh!! I cannot believe I forgot to download Allen's gist to you. That is what too much gist does to me. I am so sorry. I am sure I might not have remembered, had Allen not come knocking on my door when I got in from work yesterday. Meanwhile please help me shout "HALLELUJAH!!!" The impossible has happened. God has done it again. All those "Oh God, please" I always said in exasperation have been answered. Lady Gaga has lost an ardent fan!!!! Allen has been rescued. I guess someone should have told Lady Gaga not to sing "Judas". She could have as well gone to spit on the tomb of Christ. Mttsschhheeewww...!! I have a strong negative feeling for that female. Oh well, my dear Allen has realized the error of her ways in once loving Gaga. No more Gaga songs thrumming in my ears. Sweet relief!!

E-hen...!! Her gist! Hahahahahahaa!!! Allen is a great fabricator. She is excellent. Unrivaled. I am blessed to have her as a neighbor. I get downright entertaining gist and all I have to pay is attention.
Okay so according to Allen, back when she was in the university, she played a fast one on some dude. She had just finished lectures, she was McHammer broke, and she stood by the roadside trying to gather the drive and energy to walk to her hostel which was about 20 minutes away on foot. The sun was scorching and she had on a suit since it was a monday. While standing there pondering how to start the walk, this really cool car pulled up next to her.

"Hello" The guy said "need a ride?"
To which my darling Allen took a big risk and said "oh No thank you. I am actually waiting for my insane driver to come pick me up. I just cannot reach him on the phone. He isn't taking calls and I'm going bananas. Really nice of u to stop for me, but I wouldn't dream of inconveniencing you."
"It's no trouble, dear. I hate to see a damsel in distress (Ok! That's so CLICHÉ!) Why don't I drop you off wherever you are headed? This sun isn't pretty."
"Well, I was actually going to stop for a quick lunch at Jevinik before heading back to my hotel." She replied (babe neva chop since morning O! Smart girl!)
"Perfect. I need to eat myself. If you do not mind one more person at the table with you?" The bobo asked
Long story short, Allen entered the car. Enroute Jevinik (did I mention this took place in owerri, Imo State?), Allen gave this guy her life "history". She was supposedly the daughter of an Ambassador, and she worked as a consultant to the Minister of Tourism (I know, I know... I burst out laughing at this point. Chei!!!) Who dash this girl all these accomplishments back then? Student oh!
*an MBA from Harvard Business School
*an ambassador father
*a consulting job with the Ministry of Tourism
And the list goes on oh...

The guy got excited. Apparently he had been pursuing a contract with the Ministry. Kai...!! His lucky day! Bobo started smiling big smile and chumming up. She promised him an appointment with the Minister as soon as she can, though it will be tough (LDKMD!!)
Time to pay after the meal, bobo folded his hands expecting Ambassador daughter to pay (what a wuss!!). Allen turned to him...

"You are not expecting me to pay for your meal, are you? What kind of a gentleman are you? Is that the way nigerian men are? This is appalling! Where I come from, if a man takes a lady out he pays for her meal except she offers to do it. Those are the kind of men I flow with."

Embarassment make bobo produce cash sharp- sharp!! But seriously, you dey find contract and awoof at the same time, smh.
The funniest part was when Allen finished her meal of pounded yam with native soup, and beckoned to the waiter.

"Please bring me harpic." (Did your mouth just drop open?)
"The harpic is in the toilet if you need it, madam." He replied
Allen blew up! "What nonsense!! What kind of customer service is this? I have to get up to go to the toilet to wash my hands? Shouldn't you have harpic on the tables?!" (I wasn't there, but I cringed in embarassment when I heard this part)
"Oh!! You mean Morning Fresh, madam. I will bring some for you right away." The waiter said
According to Allen, she wanted to die but she just covered up...
"Oh yes, I am so sorry. I am just so tired that I am not thinking straight." She then turned to oga contract "do you mind dropping me off at my hotel, please? I am lodged at The Concorde"

For those who do not know, Concorde Hotel is 20 minutes drive away from Ikenegbu where she was and her hostel located. Am I the only person thinking... "How did she intend to trek home then?" Because babe said she had only twenty naira in her wallet.
I swear I was weak from laughter at this point. Allen, darling Allen. Never a dull moment!! Got to go now, darlings!! It's a thursday evening. Perfect for drinks. Have a blast. XoXo

Last Night

I know I shouldn't have done it, but truth be told, I am pretty sure I would do it all over again if I were taken back in time! Yezzzuuurrrrr...!!! Last night was wickedt!!!
You must be wondering what I'm on today, but right now all I want to do is bust some moves right here in the boardroom... Errr, okay that's not technically true. Because, the only move I feel like doing right now is stretching out to sleep for at least 10hours. Uninterrupted. Instead I am stuck here in the boardroom for an impromptu meeting that has already lasted an hour. Worst part is, this is the most boring meeting ever. This man just keeps droning on and on like a mosquito, I think.

I seem to have lost my train of thought. Umm... Yeah. Last night! Last night was epic and I'd do it all over again (don't be mad, mama!). I was all tucked in for bed last night when my phone rang. It was Seke.

"Chic, you don dey sleep?" (That's Seke for you. She launches straight into convo)
"Just about to actually. I don lie down. This one you dey call me by 11:30pm, any better?"
"Hahaha. Wake up and get dressed jor! We are going out. O. F is in town."

The way I jumped out of the bed ehn!! You'd think she told me they are distributing dollars at falomo, which actually is almost same thing. When O. F is in town, things get popped!! He's Seke's very good friend and he sure knows how to deliver groove. He's rarely in the country, so now that he is... Your girl wasn't going to waste any time thinking of work tomorrow when I know I can down endless cups of coffee. Either I took leave of my senses, or my senses took leave of me because I'm suffering the side effects now. Chai!

I quickly got dressed and ran down to enter the cab that Seke sent to pick me up. I didn't even pause to see the type of cab. If na kidnap attempt, you'd have heard the ransom demand today because I would have made it so easy for them to take me. Hehehe. Please don't preach at me. My head hurts already.

So clubs are busy even on mondays? I just found out yesterday oh. We went to Aura, and it was filled! Kai Lagos, my Lagos...! See as all those bouncers started shouting around when they recognized O.F. Hehe. It's nice to be a star oh.
As expected, champagne flowed like water, and honestly I took just 2 glasses. I am not that stupid. Lol. But I danced like I'd be given an award. Reminds me of my childhood when I was still learning to dance. I'd be dancing so much (and quite energetically too), my mom would keep cheering me on "Go baby. Dance very well. When you are done I will give you parecetamol". Lmao I have never stopped dancing and I am now a pro. Lol
Best of all though, was the company. O.F is excellent company and together with his boys, I had many good laughs.
 "Damn!! How long has this man been asking me a question? I am so in it"

Who Is that Girl?

And Miss Taraba emerged the MBGN 2011!!!! Did I hear someone shout "WTH?!" Because I did when I heard she won. Like, seriously? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems the contest has been shifted to select only the dumbest girls in Nigeria. Except beauty is now only to the surface and has nothing to do with brains, poise (or "proise" according to our new queen), and charisma.

It is a good thing I did not go yesterday oh, the vex wey I for vex ehn... Lucky me, I had madt fun at a bachelor's Eve party I attended with "you-know-who", then on to Caliente to hook up with Seke. I am still nursing a mild hangover, and with this storm, God has to forgive my absence in church today.

I am going to celebrate those queens that I think are queens in every sense of the word...
Oluchi O. Orlandi (M-Net Face of Africa, 1998)
Agbani Darego (MBGN 2001, Miss World 2001)
Omowunmi Akinnifesi (MBGN 2005)
Munachi Abii (MBGN 2007)
Ugochi Ogugbue (Miss LaCasera, 2009)

These are people that deserved every bit of their reign and have moved on to greater heights. Silverbird Group, abeg take note. This contest was the worst ever.
Okay, I am off to scavenge for my breakfast. I hope I have not been too critical, it must be because I have not had my morning coffee. Hehe. #okbye

Agbani Darego

Oluchi Orlandi

Munachi

UIAmSeke) at the MBGN 2011)

OmowunmiAk.

You will notice UgoSeke's pic up three times. That is because she is my homegirl and a gorgeous one too!! I always celebrate her. I hope you appreciate their beauties like I do.

One of Those Days...

Sometimes it absolutely sucks being a female. Seriously. It is a lovely saturday morning, I'm supposed to be making sandwiches in preparation for my picnic date with Seke, Somi, and the rest of my girls. Instead of singing along with Whitney or any other diva I can slot into the CD, and gyrating my hips while making dozens of sandwiches, I am curled up in bed with endless cups of chamomile tea and ibuprofen that has not started to work! AaaaarrrrgGggggHhhh...!!! Errr... Did I say dozens of sandwiches just now? Hehehehehee. Just five of us and I am thinking dozens of sandwiches. Must be because I did not have dinner, and haven't gotten around to having breakfast either.

On the brighter side, HRM let me off early yesterday because he thought I'd earned it and dang!!! I sure had. To celebrate my success at not screaming these past two weeks (just kidding, I love my job), I paid a visit to the just-opened Etam store at The Palms. Okay, so they are giving "Fundermentals" a serious run for their money. You bet I got me some racy secrets in shades of red, purple, and black. I didn't think to ask, but I wonder if they stock satin sheets. I must simply buy one. I was a very good girl yesterday and I didn't even stop to check out shoes. I had to run out before the traffic became murderous! The rains have been crazy this year hence we have had crazy floods on the island. Na wa o. I go soon pack comot but I cannot live on the mainland jor. If only the government would build us standard drainage systems!

Drat!! I need to get out of this bed. Seke will soon be here and she will scream holy murder if I am still in bed. Never mind the cramps, she will just throw one more ibuprofen down my throat and then throw me into the bathroom. I just remembered that I have to go with her to the salon to make her hair. Today is the MBGN 2011 pageant finalé and I have to help her get prepared. All of this, and I have to make these sandwiches first! Alright my darlings, it is time to drink some whisky!!! I have to giddy-up! XoXo

Missed You I'm sure...

Yoo-Hooooo!!!!! Where is everyone at? Miz is here!!! *Did I hear a "Hallelujah!"?* I am truly so sorry I have been absent but it is not my fault... HRM has had me working like a slave!

..."Miz, that presentation has to be sent in to the client today. I know the deadline is still a week off, but be a darling and have it ready for presentation today."
  "I am sorry this is impromptu, Miz. My PA has booked you on the 1:45pm flight to abuja. The client needs to meet with us, and you are the best person to represent us. You return with the last flight..."


Haba!!! That man has a motive and I am going to discover what it is. I have this gut feeling that he is punishing me for showing him two gorgeous females (me included, of course) and letting him know he cannot have any. If na that one, wahala dey O! Because he will keep overloading me with work. I can work my way around it jor. Just a few smiles in his direction should do the trick. He's like Diva my adorable doggie. A few smiles and a pat on the head will have him wagging his tail again... Did I hear someone say "WOOF"? By the way, just so you know... Show HRM this post and you are barbeque.

Down to better gist jare. I love my life. There's never a dull moment. People around me entertain me endlessly. Allen was it for me this past weekend. She always has unbelievable gist. Sometimes I cannot help but wonder how fast her mind is to be able to fabricate juicy gists in a matter of minutes! Don't tell her I said so, but sometimes her gists are downright ridiculous. I will give you the gist in my next post because the story long no be small!

In other news, the abuja trip was not so bad after all because you-know-who was also in abuja and upgraded my return ticket to first class. More leg room and baggage allowance for me because I came back with "gifts" Life truly is bliss *aaaahhh...* Now if only the day could speed up. Is it still monday? Aaarrgghhh!!!

The weekend in Pictures

ugoSeke at the dinner

Miz ready for the WizKid launch

GISSSSSSSTTTT!!

Igbedu! Groove!! Gosh, this is the life!! I should be living this every week. Infact, I have grooved to the point that I deserve an honorary spa treatment. First it was the Ibeshe beach groove with Swe lovers, then the company dinner that was held at the Four Points (food toh badt!), and then, wait for it... The WizKid #Superstar album launch!! It was Crazy!!!!!!!! Performances that rocked the venue... WizKid, BankyW, D'Banj, De Prince, Lynx,... Ooossseee!!! Deji of Modex Lounge was there. Have I ever told you of Modex Lounge? That lounge is the ish! And the thought of their peppered snails is making me feel gluttonous right now. #Modex #Modex #ModexLounge baby!!!
Err... I was talking about my weekend, abi? Focus Miz, focus. Too much groove is not good for my concentration. Ok... Back on track! If you do not have WizKid's album yet, you are on a dulling level!! Shout out to E.M.E records, baby!!!!!!! Too much swag on point!! Abeg, come and sign me up too. I sing wonderfully in the shower. It has always been my belief that that is the making of a superstar. Gbam!

The party moved on to Rehab, and I am almost in tears now that I did not make it there. I would have moved these sexy hips of mine like an arabian dancer seeking the king's favor. Wa gba!! Unfortunately, I had to leave because of work today #sadmuch.
The company dinner was off the hook. To my date for the night, Ugo a.k.a I Am Seke... Mwuuuaaahhh!! Mwuuuuaaahhhhhhh!!!! You represented me exquisitely. For those of you who don't know, UgoSeke is ex-Miss Imo State, ex-Miss LaCasera MBGN, and active beauty queen. The babe hot die!! H.R.M almost swooned when he saw two of us together. His eyes were darting back and forth. He finally shuffled away. I think the heat was too much! Hahahahahahahaa!!!
Aarrrrggghhh... Talk of the devil. HRM is calling me. I will just tell him I am on the phone with a client. Ssshhh... Don't go telling on me now. By the way, it just occured to me that I have no pictures of me from yesterday. That's a shame. As hot as I looked, smh. I know why though...
I met someone at the dinner!! I have been restraining myself. Seriously. Now I just have to say. He was at the Ikoyi boat club that day. I saw him. He didn't see me. Somi pointed him out to me. He's like crazily wealthy and that is why Somi knows him. And my oh my *fansSelf*... He's hot!! Your girl is in blissdom Oh! The whole effort for this dinner paid off. He's sending his driver to pick me up for us to have dinner together tonight. Will you please do the chicken dance on my behalf?!
Ooohhh... I'm ready to shoot HRM. He's calling me again. I have to go this time, but you bet we will talk soon! Peace, love, and hershey kisses!!

IT'S SATURDAY!!!!!!

The waka wey dey my leg today carry bow leg as e plenty no be small. I probably should have turned Terry down, but how could I have missed being here for the Swe All- white party at Ibeshe beach club. I can be accused of many things, but I don't dull. Hehe.
In case you are wondering... Today is Saturday!!!!! It's the company dinner today baby!!! Whoop whoop!!!!!!!
I know... I know... I've got wheels for legs. My mom would ask me "I nwere tire n'uku?" That means "do you have tires on your legs?" I still do not have an answer to that question. When I was younger, I always looked at my legs to be sure they were not tires. I always wanted to go out. To the amusement park, to the beach, to see my friends... Whew!
Anyway, the dinner starts at 8pm and this beach party ends at 8pm too, but TT, Somi and I paid a private boat to bring us here and take us back to ikoyi boat club at 4:30pm. That way, I can get home early and be ready for the dinner at eight. But ol' boy, na money I just dey spend so oh. Because I want to groove. If I were catholic, I'd probably have to say serious hail Mary's in penance for my extravagance.

Yes, I got my dress and my shoes, *wink*. I ended up ordering from a brochure online though I still bought two shoes from PhenoMENon. I will post pictures so you can see and have an idea

how your girl would look tonight.
Wait oh... Isn't that BankyW? See cream dude. Kai!!! He's actually really cute *giggles*. Somi is a real socialite sha, so she knows Banky. See the way two of them are gisting. Any of my people here at ibeshe? Check me out abeg. Do I look like a mad woman or like the hot babe I like to think I am? I'm going to meet them now. Somi must do introductions sharp sharp. As for you, respect yourself and do not approach me to say hi now. Just stay back and watch your girl in her element. Check my back, hope my thighs are not jiggling. Hehehe. I know... I just like attention. Count to 100 and if I'm not back, drag me out. 1, 2, 3, 4,... 20, 21, 22, 23,... 45, 46, 47..., 66, 67, 68, 69,...

Oooooohhh!!! I just couldn't wait till 100. I had to come and tell you. Banky is the nicest dude ever!!! At first, he could not talk to me because he received a phone call, but as soon as he was done he just would not stop with the apologies. And he complimented my look too! Gbam!! Today is looking up. By the way, relax. I was not looking for him to ask me out. I was just excited to meet the guy who sang two songs that can bring tears to my eyes- "MY REGRET" and "DON'T BREAK MY HEART". Those are his best works so far in my opinion. I can groove to Lagos Party and any other of his songs but only those two move me enough to cry silent tears.
Big ups, Boss!!!

Yay!!!! Windeck!!!!!! Don't join Somi to laugh at me oh, but I'm grooving this song! Speaking of songs, Terry has been going on about "Axe your mommy". It's cracking her up and I won't even lie... It is cracking me up as well. What happened to *ask*. Anyway, awon eleyi won badt gan for real. Groove is passing me by so I have to go and do serious grooving now. Before then though, shout out to V14, I Am Seke, the Belvedere Vodka girls, Vixen, WizKid, DJ SpinAll and Swe bar. It's all love!!!
Oya!!! Leggooo my people!!! Remember, Don't dull!!!