PREPS IN MOTION `

I have just entered my compound and Nollywood seems to have moved in, see film show! Smh. That my landlord again. The man is a dancing clown, for real. He and the security men this time. It is my firm belief that my landlord comes here every other day to rattle the staff because he is bored. What else can an old man with all his kids grown and away, and only a cat for a companion do? He comes here to orchestrate his own personal drama series where he is always the lead role. As usual, this looks very interesting and I so want to stay and have a good laugh, but I really need to go. Anyway, I have one neighbor that feels it is her civil duty to give me all the happening gist in this building. Allen is a trip. She is the type to call an ant an elephant. She exaggerates that much. Hehe. I love her, but her style frustrates me every time I think about it. Did I say "her style"? She has got none, zilch... Zero. Except you call Amy Winehouse a style queen. My latest fear is that she will decide to adopt Lady GaGa as her style mentor because she can't stop preaching about her songs!! I refuse to give up hope on her though.

At last! In my private heaven. I love my apartment. I went all out to decorate it and it looks like an interior decorators' pride. Did I mention I did everything myself? My room is my favourite. My best friend, Ivy, insists it reminds her of an arabian harem. And each time she says it, I cannot help but roll my eyes because I did tell her that was the look I was aiming for when I started decorating.
Not to digress, but you need to see my Miu Miu!!! This shoe is absolutely sinful!!! Ahhhhhhhhh... I cannot wait to bring them out of the box and slip my feet into them.
Wait o! I am seeing things, but not my shoes. Somebody is break dancing with me and that is a dance I've never been good at. If I get my hands on Ore, she'll wish she never took it because I am sure she took them with her when she left my house. How do I get on a flight to Ibiza now?! I'm spitting nails right now. How dare she... Now I have to shop for shoes too, and change my dress plan!
"Okay, calm down Miz, calm down... This would not do at all." I have to go keep my appointment with my Ceramide Gold ultra Restorative Capsules Intensive Treatment for Face and Throat (Wow!! That is a mouthful!) by Elizabeth Arden now. She really is my best friend in times of stress, then  I will attend to Ore when I am done.  Have a glass of champagne, double fudge icecream, or go to the spa till I return. Bottom line, get pampered.

WHAT TO WEAR, THE COMPANY DINNER II

It worked!! I guessed it would, but color-me-happy, I was really smooth out there. Maybe I should give Genevieve Nnaji a run for her money. Hehe.
By the way, to be fine girl get serious advantages O! HRM offered to have one of the company drivers take me home and seeing as how I came with the staff bus this morning, I jumped at the offer. Before nko? I be mugu? No dulling for here o!!

I'm wasting time. I need to get my butt moving. Before one bad belle person decides to keep me here any longer than I want to stay. I can only fake a migraine for so long, I don't want to risk early wrinkles, you know? My face has been squeezed for ten minutes already. Note to self: appointment with Elizabeth Arden once I get home

All packed and ready to go, time to school my face into my migraine mask of pain again. I hope the driver is downstairs o! I don't want to go looking for him. Time is of essence to me.
Meanwhile, I think I should plan my schedule now. Where would be my first port of call? Hmmmnn... Difficult one there. If I go to the spa first, I'll long for a massage when I'm done shopping. Shopping is a full time job, after all (You should seriously consider paying me to do it for you).
Okay, I can't go to the salon today because my hair must look as fresh as possible, so hair... Friday. I'm left with err... Shopping!!! I really can never go wrong with that. So it is decided then. Shopping it is.

Next consideration, what kind of dress am I looking for? It's important to decide on that now. It would not do at all to go into the shops and not have an idea what I want. Imagine me going in to the shops and saying "I need a dress. Type? Errr... I have no idea precisely what type. Oh color... Um... I don't know either". I would then personify what everyone calls a "dumb blonde" even though my hair is as dark as the night with no stars. So, you see why I say it's important that I have an idea what I want?
Hmmnn... It's an office party so it would not do to go in an ultra mini dress because I'll just look like I am crying out for attention (even though I know I will be HOT!). They will just think me a tramp.
Fashion Rule Number Six:
Always know what to wear to suit your environment.

I have become a broken record. Okay, what will I wear? I think I should go for something that would show off my legs... I've got just the thing! How could I have forgotten the pair of adorably sinful green satin Miu Miu shoe boots that I bought three months ago! It had been begging my attention so much that I had to put it back into its box reserving it for that special occasion which seems to be here!! Oh my... Just the Va- va Voom I need! I'm getting really excited now.

This has certainly made my job easier for me. Now I do not have to try on several pairs of shoes. Pity... Though my mastercard will thank me for it. Duh!!
Anyway, let me see... With the shoes, I will need a pashmina to complement my look. I will need the double coloured one. With my shoes, oh my beautiful, beautiful shoes, I can wear a simple dress. So I'm shopping for a pashmina and my dress.
You do know that bright colours are key in every stylish wardrobe, right? My green shoes will add that touch of daring glamour that I seek.
I need to... "Where in the world is this driver sef?? I've been standing here for 10minutes!". I need to get home now. I need to get out of these clothes before I go shopping.
There are certain rules attached to shopping. I read them somewhere and I heard myself chanting "Amen sister, preach it!" like a black American movie star. Kai!! Let me share the rules with you as I remember them (See how caring I can be? Lol)

RULE 1: it's important to look good when you shop, because if you don't, you end up buying anything out of desperation to change how bad you look, and that's when you make mistakes.
RULE 2: Wear heels when shopping for a dress. Avoid complicated belts and hose if you will be doing a lot of trying- on. Also, wear good make-up and foundation, so that the horror lighting in changing rooms do not make you feel suicidal.
See what I mean when I applaud her? Where did I read her opinions from again? I need to go back to that book, but most importantly, I need to get home and I just might strangle this driver before I get there if he says "sorry ma" one more time. Once is enough, he has said it a million times already, and counting.

THE COMPANY DINNER

The company dinner is on saturday, it's wednesday today and I haven't a thing to wear for it!!!! I hate this office (Well, figuratively of course. After all, they do pay me a huge salary), I'm sorely overworked with no time for my own shopping. I have not shopped in a month!!
To top it all off, Ada in the finance department, brought un-impressive dresses for Me to buy. No Gucci, no Armani not even a Dorothy Perkins to go cheap. Utunu!! What does she take me for?

I have certain rules I believe every woman worth her salt in fashion must live by and one of them is, if you must shop, shop for the Names! Now, I'm not one to go name- dropping even though you probably think so. However my wardrobe boasts of Alexander McQueens', Pradas, Jimmy Choos, Oscar De LaRanta, Christian Louboutins, YSLs, Steve Maddens and I even have Ferragamos'.
My clothes, my shoes, my jewelry, my bags and even my make- up (I'm assuming you already know my perfumes are included) must bear Names. So, would someone be kind enough to explain why Ada thinks I should buy a dress named JESSICA? Jessi who- ha?!

I know,I know. You are wondering about my other rules, right? (You probably aren't), I'd like to think you are though. And as it is not in my nature to with- hold information, here goes... read and learn! Hehe

1) To keep healthy, go to the gym at least two saturdays in a month. Not necessarily to work out, though of course youy get to exercise your cheeks when you smile. Going to the gym affords you the opportunity to show off your Addidas clothes and Nike sneakers. People would stare and admire you, which would make you feel good and that adds ten years to your life (or is it nine? I forget). Is that not absolutely healthy?

2) It is a cardinal sin to repeat same outfits to work more than twice in a month! Go shopping, girl!

3) Visit only well- known spas and salons. They are Names.

4) Have at least one Ferragamo in your collection. It boosts your ego.

5) You should splurge on Victoria's secret. Taste some heaven!

Oops!!! You have managed to distract me so much that I have digressed from the main issue... "what to wear for the company dinner just two days away!!"
This is a tough one and an impending disaster if I do not get a solution. I need time to shop for the right dress. OMG!! I also need to visit the salon, the spa...!! I must look good, no... my best!! I saw the dress Uleoma is planning to wear and it is a stunner. I have to get one that would rival hers. I must make an impression that day.
Drat!! I thought my problem would disappear just by me talking about it. Apparently not. I guess I have just one option to pursue. Time to develop a migraine that would allow me leave the office now, then maybe a full- blown fever to give me tomorrow off too. A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do, or so they say. LOL.

Time to put this into action. This calls for a trip to the Ladies'. I can happily carry a pained look, wince convincingly and lament over my headache when I am asked. I can even make a show of wanting to puke. It is symptomatic of migraines, right? I hope I am right o, because i no be doctor. Best of all, I will have to pass HRMs office to get to the ladies. That man no dey use eye see me, he will ask me to step into his office. He will also authorise my going home. Since he has decided he will not let me rest in this office because say I fine, I have decided that he will be my pawn whenever I need one #shikena.