All Hail The LASTMA people!!!

I had a run-in with LASTMA yesterday. If you live in Lagos, you know what this means. The terrorists of Las Gidi roads finally looked my way.


Goodmorning darlings!!! I hope you all had a beautiful weekend like I did.


Before I start today's gist, I'd like to extend my condolence to the family of my fellow blogger ROLEX. I'm so sorry for the loss. May she rest in peace and may God grant all of you that were close to her, the fortitude to bear the loss. God bless!!!

So, as I was gisting... I had a clash with LASTMA people or should I say they had a clash with me? Because according to Vixen and Somi, I am a gale to be reckoned with. A wave that crashes wildly against the shores. Lol. Na them dey craze. Hehe. 
Well, Somi, Vixen and I were going for a wedding at the BeSpoke Center, Lekki and I was driving (yes, Somi finally let go of her Range for a day, rubbish! yes, I'm beefing). I was doing a cool 140 and somehow, the traffic lights never caught me. We were on cruise control, baby! Then we got to that Oniru turning just before the Toll gate, and the light went red but it was too late to stop at that speed. Next thing I know, the LASTMA people jump on their motorcycle to pursue us... Shuo!!!
I slowed down and parked just after the toll gate and wound down...


"I'm so sorry about that, Oga. Abeg no vex. I didn't see the light turn red early enough to stop."


"All these young girls, all of you feel you can violate the law abi?" (He can speak English well! He knows "violate", wow! **crickets**)


"Not at all, oga. How na? We fit?"


Before I could say "Prada", one of them had opened one of the back doors and jumped in.


"You will follow us to our office. You must pay the fine!"


"Haba Oga, na heat dey do you? Why did you jump into my car like that? You need the airconditioning that bad or you just want to see how it feels riding in a car like this first hand?" I asked (I was mentally beating myself up for forgetting to lock the doors before driving)
As soon as I asked this, silly girls in my car started to laugh and this infuriated the officers.


"Give us your license! You will go to court! Rubbish. Idiots like you shouldn't own a car" The one outside made a grab for my keys just as I wound up and his arm got stuck. He saw Red!


"Assault!!! You have assaulted an officer!! Ahhh!!! Prostitute!! I will make sure you pay nothing less than N500k to collect this your car! You will go to jail."


"Oga be reasonable. There's no scratch on you. All I did was prevent you from grabbing my keys. That was a very rude move, you don't just move in on people and disrespect their personal space. Besides, my friend here saw your arm brush my boobs I'm sure. Didn' you, Somi? (She replied a big Yes) I can have you arrested for sexual harrassment, trust me. Let us see who ends up in jail by the time I'm done with you. Haba! I am a first time offender and instead of you both to let me off with a warning, you are threatening me and hating on me because I drive a cool car, abi? I know your number, people play it quite often." 


"Ehn? Sexual what?? Ah no no no!! Relax aunty. Calm down. It was not intentional oh. Who are you calling? Please wait... We can work this out. Just give us something for sunday 17:59. That is all. We don't need to fight now."


I could not help laughing out loud!


"Oga, na today? Okay, enter car let me give you men something"


As soon as the idiot joined his colleague in the car, I hit Autolock and sped off towards ajah. They were screaming and we were laughing!! This was a bad bad thing for me to have done but somebody needed to teach these Mofos a lesson. They always do this. They feel they can intimidate people just because they wear uniforms. Well, them don jam road block today!
I hit play on the CD system and Rihanna's voice rent the air... pure coincidence that it was MAN DOWN playing. It was so loud that I could not hear the screams and pleas coming from our two captives. I drove all the way to Lagos Business School and stopped them.

"Oga, oya make una get down from my car. I hope I gave you sufficient gist for your 17:59 groove with your friends after work. Enjoy!!!"

After saying this, I turned the car around and drove back towards the Bespoke centre so we could meet the wedding reception.

Have I been very naughty?

**SINGING** "Feels so good being bad! There's no way I'm turning back... I may be bad but I'm perfectly good at it!!"