Crazy Aunt Mildred!!

How e be say trouble dey sleep, yanga go dey wake am? I wish I could say this saying describes my situation accurately but the truth is, I was sitting down calmly when trouble waka come find me. 

I took an early lunch yesterday and had just taken my first bite of the really good chicken when someone screamed my name so dramatically causing me to almost choke... WTH!!! I looked up to see my dad's sister coming straight at me with a wide-toothed grin and her cologne floating behind her. Her Brazilian hair extension almost made me choke again. It was down to her hips (bear in mind that this woman is in her 60s)!!!!

"Darling, how are you? Fancy seeing you here, you naughty naughty child!!! You never call and you do not even visit despite the fact that we live in the same Ikoyi. You should be spanked! Don't just sit there... get up and give me a hug!! Are you not glad to see me?" 

"Of course aunty, I'm glad to see you." (By God, the lunch was a bad bad idea!! Her tight hug was crushing my bones and squeezing the life out of me!) "What are you doing here aunty??"

"Oh, I am lodged here for today, so I decided to come down for lunch and who do I see but you?!" She trilled

"You and Uncle Obi had a disagreement?" I had to ask. She always does that when she has a quarrel with my uncle regarding something she wants. She packs a bag and heads to a top-scale hotel that has a good spa within or nearby

"Oh don't worry about it honey, he will come around before the end of today. He always does. It's about Adure's wedding present. I wish I could tell you what I want us to get her but it's supposed to be a surprise and seeing as how you are very close to her... hey Waiter!!!! I need my order taken! (Need I mention that she had settled in comfortably on the seat opposite mine?) He's just being stubborn. So tell me how you have been."

**sigh** I love my aunt to bits but she can deplete one's energy with her constant chatter. 

"Just work, aunty. Work and more work. You know how it gets especially at this time of year. We are closing old accounts and putting finishing touches to everything. Plus I'm on the planning committee for the Christmas party at work. It's all fun though!"

"Oh Lord, baby, you just reminded me that I haven't made any plans for our annual family Christmas dinner. I have to call your mom so we can iron out the details. So much to do what with the wedding too! Has Adure sent your aso-ebi material to you? Do you love it or do you love it?! I told her the colour was totally made for the both of you. It took us 2 whole weeks to decide on the right fabric and design, did she tell you?... Speaking of weddings, what is going on with you, nwanyi-oma? No man yet? When are you getting married?"

AH!! There goes the million-dollar question!!

My aunt never fails to ask this question each time we meet. She agonizes over it more than my poor mom could ever hope to do. It is an issue of constant grief to her. She has the chief role of making sure everyone in the family gets married at 21 **shudders**

"Ha-ha, I am quite certain you would have known if I was getting married, aunty. Nothing ever passes you by! You are too smart for that. Look, I have to run, aunty. I have already over-stayed my lunch hour by 20minutes and we have got deadlines to meet. I will come by the house this weekend, I promise." I stood up and went to air-kiss her but my aunt held my face before I could do that...

"I know a wonderful young man. From a very responsible home and he's got a very good job too. I will set up a date for you two." (Oh Hell NO!!! Pardon my French, but she's the same person that set me up on the blind date with that local champion... No way I'm giving her another opportunity!)

"No aunty, I have someone in my life right now. Really. You don't have to worry about me. I am fine! Bye aunty, Love you!"

I quickly made my exit and practically flew to the office.Every body must have a crazy aunt Mildred, and you just met mine!! She should walk around with a T-shirt like this everyday, really.

I am off to bed jare, sleep beckons.

Hugs and Hershey Kisses,
MIZ