It Wasn't Me?

Why is my life filled with so much drama? No, I am being serious. Stop laughing.

Sometimes I get really tired of all the show and then I realize, I crave for it!! Then the madness starts all over again. Sometimes it finds me. Like it did yesterday in the form of Allen, my delightful neighbour. I am getting too old for this but who was it that sang "Forever Young" again? It's sad to think that the person had me in mind. That means the drama would never stop and our tatafo would always continue. Now that's a good thing, right?

My head is banging and I cannot stop my eyes from squinting whenever I am faced with bright lights. I had to lock my office door and tell everyone that I am working on one of our important projects and do not need any disturbances. Everyone respects my creativity and lets me be when I ask for it. This is a good thing and even better that they did not ask why I had sunglasses on in the office. The lights in my office have all been turned off and the blinds drawn. I am typing this almost blind and I hope I make no typo errors. If I do, blame it on the alcohol! Poor alcohol though, I should really blame Allen. She brought the alcohol!! But I do pity poor Allen. So do I blame it on my wacky emotions that felt pity for a babe that was caught pants down with one of them vultures (my pet name for married men)?

I had just gotten back from Ajah where I went to visit a friend who had been involved in an accident. I had not even taken off my shoes when I heard the bell ring. On opening the door, Allen bounced in filled with all the rage in the world.

"The bastard!! She will rot in hell!! Me, Allen!!! I was almost disgraced like a common prostitute! And you... where have you been?! Why have you not been taking my calls? Do you know what I have been through?!!"


"Err-mm... excuse you? Why did you come into my apartment to attack me at 11:30pm? Them dey worry you? Besides, if you are still alive then you have been okay. So, it's either you calm down and talk or you get out and allow me to sleep. Work dey tomorrow." I was very tired and having had issues with my PC all day, I just wasn't in the mood for her drama.

"No vex jare, ore mi. I am just so upset thanks to the severe embarrassment I suffered today. Remember Tunji? That Oil magnate I gisted you about that was chyking me and paid for my Paris vacation?" she asked

"If he's paying for your vacations then the level has moved from chyking to shagging, I'm sure. Anyway, yes I remember him. What happened?" I replied in a dry tone


"Haba chic, wetin now? Bobo no fit pay that kind thing for me without getting anything? Anyway, leave matter for Mathias. That one no be my wahala now. My problem is with the level of humiliation I suffered from today. After work (she works as a marketer with one of the banks) I drove down to Phase 1 where he was waiting for me. He just came back from New York, by the way and he brought shoes that would make you salivate. They are in my room."

Is this  girl mad? How would she mention shoes and expect me to still concentrate?  Anyway. let me try and focus on this her gist. I hope it is worth my time oh!

"After he gave me all the stuff he bought for me, one thing led to another and before I could say 'Tunji', my pants had ended up tangled up in the duvet as I was later to realize."

"I knew that Paris trip was not an awoof trip. Keep going. I am liking this." I adjusted my self on the bed to hear the gist from a better angle.

That was when the floodgates opened and instead of a juicy gist, I had a wailing woman in my arms!

"Allen, sweetheart... it's okay. stop crying. Poor baby. What happened next?"

I had to hear the rest of the gist na. Haba!! How would she leave me hanging?

"The door slammed open (sob), and a mad woman (More sobs) walked in and started hurling insults at me (still more sobs). She came in with an entourage!! Two other women and the gate man."

"Cheiii... your bride price don finish O!! Are you serious? (I had to struggle to hold in my laughter). So who's the woman? His wife or girlfriend?"


"His wife!! I didn't even know he was married!" She yelled


"Okay, get outta here, Allen. And what did you think the ring on his finger was? Fashion item? abi he does not wear one?" she had got to be kidding me!!

"I never looked at his finger now! (Right!! You just looked at his sexy pockets. No harm in that)

"She went crazy, I tell you, crazy!! How won't he look outside when he has a crazy woman as wife? She started throwing things at him and I just sat on the bed with the duvet covering me. I still had not recovered from what had been going on.

"Just at the final peak too!! Why did she have to come in at that time?" (Huge sob)

Hell hath no fury like a woman left unsatisfied? Hahaha. 

I feel I should let you all know that while all this was going on, we were already done with a bottle of Nuvo and  had started on another. I just kept drinking and enjoying the gist. She on her own was drinking with all the fury and humiliation stored up inside of her. I was pretty high at this point and so was she.

"You know something else, Miz? I have to start driving all the way to VGC now whenever I have to see him. He sent me a text with a change of location. Imagine!! All the way... Shtupid woman!!" she slurred

Ehn??!! She will continue to see the man?! Issorai!! Me, I like my fine face very well and I do not want some crazy woman to come after me with acid because I am sleeping with her husband. I no fit shout.

Anyway, the benefits must be worth all the humiliation since she is willing to go at it again.

At this point, she had started going into details about some of those benefits and I really cannot share them but they sure made for juicy listening!! Hehehe. We did not go to bed till about 3am and by that time, we had finished 3 bottles of Nuvo and a quarter. I am so screwed!!1

I am cuddling up to sleep on this couch, jare!! Will somebody be nice enough to wake me up at 5pm and bring a cup of coffee too? That is when I close for the day. Where's that my eye mask again? *YAWN!!

Hugs and hershey kisses,

MIZ