WAHALA

I am quite upset and rightly so!! I just got back from lunch which I had gone to with all the joy I always have on Fridays, only to return with a rather long face thanks to one ass-wipe (pardon my French) that pissed me off as I was pulling out of Marcopolo.

Forgive me, darlings. How have y'all been? Missed me as much as I missed you? I really do not know what kept me away and I'm sad that it took an annoyance to bring me back to you. I always told myself "tomorrow" but now I know for sure that tomorrow is always a day away. Well, Miz is back!!!

So, what upset me? A dude who drives as recklessly as Mr. Bean on a bad day. I had just finished my meal of steamed rice with broccoli (Yum!!) with a plate of vegetable spring rolls (I never miss those), and got into my car to begin the drive back to the office. I was jamming to Rihanna's "Man Down" and nothing could touch me at that moment... or so I thought. I beckoned to the security man to guide me as I pulled out, which he got up to do. Confident in the clear access I had and following the direction of the guard, I put my car into reverse and started pulling out of the parking slot. Next thing I know, this car came from literally nowhere and slammed into my car!!!
No... I did not slam into his, rme. He drove straight into me despite the security guard's sign not to. Eeeeehhhnnnn... see this "Weree" oh!!! My car!!! I immediately remembered Tony Tetuila's line "today na today. No time for tori". I saw RED!!! My car... like, My Baby!!

I got down from the car and bounded over to meet the "ponmo" who stupidly came out of his own car with something akin to fury on his face. I had to pause to look at him again... was he mad?! This dude just bashed my car and he was coming towards me with all the anger he had stored inside his egg-head!! Some people are mad in this Lagos oh!!

"Are you mad? Is something wrong with you? Why did you pull out like that, woman? Are you blind?! Don't you use your mirrors?!" He raged

"Huh? Wait a minute. This is a joke, right? Who released this lunatic from the psycho ward? Did you not see the security man directing traffic and letting people know I was pulling out?! Are YOU blind?!" I replied in fury. The dude was obviously on some cheap crack. He just bashed my car and still has the effrontery to yarn dust, abi?

I quickly went to check on my car and I almost cried!! My poor baby... My poor poor baby!!!

Wait oh!!!... this "ewu texas" is still talking? Chim oohh... some people are loco oh!!

"Dude, did somebody forget to fix your screws this morning before you left your house or have you lost them permanently? WTF is wrong with you? Look, I do not have the time to chill here with you and talk rubbish. However, you ARE going to fix my car!" I turned on him in anger (I am really cute when angry though. He-he)

By this time, several busy-bodies had gathered around and trust some of the men to be yarning nonsense like the chihuahua that hit my car.

"Woman, watch your tongue!! You do not talk like that to a man. Don't you have a husband? It is women like you that get sent out of their husband's homes. Keep quiet and show some remorse! Women, you people drive like if you are mad"

HUH?!!!!!!!!!! NO FREAKING WAY A DUDE JUST SPOKE TO ME LIKE THAT!!!


Okay, call me a feminist if you will but it is men like this that made me the way I am. And I do not tolerate it from them. Did the short toad think I was his meek wife seating down with her arms folded waiting for him to come home? See me see wahala oh!!

"Look sir, I am going to respect your old age and act like you did not just spew filth from your mouth. Why should I show remorse because this dude bashed my car? Infact, I am talking too much..."

I quickly picked up my phone and called Somi to brief her on what was happening. In just a matter of minutes, a police van had pulled up and I left them with my car and the dude. Did I mention Somi sent her driver for me too? Let that idiot sort himself out with the police. Ode!!

Seriously, I have issues with men that think women are pathetic drivers. I mean, yes some of us suck at parallel parking skills but we are extremely cautious when we are driving. It is always men you find involved in drunk driving accidents, driving without seatbelts... I am sure that piranha had taken some alcohol with his lunch and that made him drive like a bat flying in the day time. "Isi aki!!"

Recklessness on the road... Driving under the influence... Speeding (okay, I'm guilty of this),,, Failing to wear a seat belt in spite of LASTMA... These are what we should base our good/bad driver judgements on.

But maybe I'm being too harsh. Or sexist. Who cares?

I need to pack up jare. The weekend has officially begun! Countdown to a night of Jonzing!!! Talk to you later, darlings!!
Hugs and hershey kisses...

MIZ