WE DON'T DO THE BRIDGES...

Hello again darlings! It's another Friday and I am abso-freaking-lutely ready to let my hair down and have me some fun!!! I will get to that after I am done with today's rant.
My post today was inspired by an article I came across in the GENEVIEVE magazine August 2011 issue. I copped its title for today's title, ha-ha. According to the author of the article, and I quote,

 "...If you are a JJC in town, I need you to be aware of one of the bigz girls' rules- we don't do the bridges!"


For those who do not totally understand the above (maybe because you are not a Nigerian?), JJC means "Johnny Just Come". It is a slang we use to refer to "Newbies/ Newcomers". And as for the "bigz girls", they are our equivalent of the "IT girls". The bridges being referred to here, are the bridges that connect the Lagos mainland areas to the Island that includes Victoria Island, Lekki and its environs, and Ikoyi. Long story short, it means we do not date anyone that lives across any of the bridges!
In Lagos, those who live on the Island are considered the "IT people"... rich and classy. Anything away from the Island is just... uuurrrggghhh!!! Ha-ha. Everything worth having is located on the island. The best houses (though most expensive), the best malls, the banging clubs, the beaches, the stores, the cars,... and the people! Little wonder people consider it the only place to be.

According to the author of this article, insisting on living in this choice area of the state is simply being greedy and over-the-top. Hmmnnn... Aunty, I totally understand the angle you are coming from but please who would rather eat spoilt cheese when you have the option of freshly-made? Like seriously? Call me whatever you want to but I will never live on the mainland except of course it is restored to order. Yes, I am defending my decision as well as that of plenty other ladies I know who chose to live nowhere else but on the Island.
I have plenty reasons to visit the mainland on a weekly basis, either en-route the airport or to visit a client for a meeting. And each of these times, I always find myself cussing out loud and shaking my fists at the insane bus drivers or in general annoyance at the disorganization. It is like one mad house. Granted there are select areas on the mainland worth living in, but why seek peace amidst chaos when I can be surrounded by total peace and harmony?

This is my beloved Island

I have never been able to drive without finding myself in some form of traffic where different hawkers crowd around my car attempting to sell their goods in nasal voices and frequent knocks on my window. This happens on the island too (sales in traffic, I mean) but it is no where near as annoying as that on the mainland. Voices attacking you from every corner and hawkers blocking the road you are to drive on.
The bus driver that decides to stop his vehicle smack in the middle of the road, to exchange blows and rough words with his conductor or another bus driver. Sometimes it is even a me-lee between the bus driver, his conductor, and their passengers or the touts that loiter the streets of Lagos siphoning money off of these people willing to actually work for their money.
The acrid smell of sweat slicked bodies that probably haven't seen water in days, the smoke from buses and cars that no longer belong on the roads but in museums, and the deafening sounds coming from fighting people to vehicles, and hawkers, and shops that compete with each other for the loudest sounding music players.

Typical Lagos Mainland Scene

A lot of people would argue with me that this is the very essence of Lagos. And that all I have described are the smells of the hustle that symbolizes Lagos city and yes, I can agree with that. That does not mean I want to live there however!! Nuh-uh!!!

I work hard to afford the lifestyle I have and any man that wants to marry me has to be able to keep me in that life style. And no, that is not me being "over-the-top", it is me being real and honest with you!! If you meet a girl who drives a Range and lives in a penthouse in one of the choicest areas of town, my dear, either you match/ surpass her, or you shift, biko. How do you expect the marriage to work? Trust me, even Waje will run 4-40 if a man with "One naira" comes to marry her despite her song proclaiming "mu na gi ga nu garri" For where?!

My kids must have better than I had growing up and darling, I had it good!! I am not willing to manage a situation that will have me pulling out my hairs daily till I'm totally bald. The only other city I can live in quite happily is Abuja but fear don dey catch me for that side sef. So dear future husband, if you come to me like MI saying "Love me though the money is a maybe..." and insist on living on the mainland, kindly do not come near me now at all. I will find another husband. I am willing to work with you to maintain the cheese, but I will not follow you to drink garri and develop kwarshiokor. Miz said so! Send me someone like TI who has got wads of naira and would be willing to put a big boy in my life so I never want for anything.

When I am even praying that my dear future husband would get us a house in banana island. I have even been saving to support that mission.

So yes, I am a Lagos babe and I don't do bridges!! Case closed!!

That settled, where are y'all going tonight? It's been a while since I went dancing and tonight I am going to show my moves like Jagger!! Yeah baby!!! Okay, maybe Jagger doesn't quite cut the image I want. I will just stick with Shakira with some Ciara thrown in.