I DEY CATCH COLD

I just had a flashback to those days when I used to hear these preachers come out early in the morning at say 5am, with their bells or mega phones to pronounce doom on everybody sleeping.

"Repent or you will burn in the pits of hell!! (Bells clanging). The beast will take you prisoner and you will rot forever as his captive unless you repent NOW!!! (more clanging)"

If you have never heard these people at work, have you at least received tracts that curse you to perdition if you do not stop being a sinner?
I am a Christian, in fact I have an extra-special relationship with Baba God but trust me, I will never threaten you into submission oh!!! The Book of Revelations is enough to scare the sin away from you!
I remember I used to give my life to Christ every morning when I heard that eerie prediction and I was just a wee lil' kid whose sole mission in Life was to grow up and be a doctor so I can take care of all the sick people in the world!! Speaking of which, how did my glorious medical self become a self-absorbed fashionista designing adverts and promoting companies? Na lie jor, somebody stole my destiny!! I refuse to accept that I ran away from the dream when I heard I would be operating on cadavers in the university... emi ke?! Lai lai!!! (Sisi Yemmie don't ask me why I am so nigerian jor!! Yes, we repeat words. You know it sounds better, truetrue.)

These days once I see a tract that looks remotely like it is about to melt me in fire, I run!! "Oso ndu" like my ibo self would say. I no fit shout.

So the reason for my waking up early this saturday to remember my way into fear is the recent happenings in the world especially as my beloved Naija has become deeply embroiled in it, reminding me that the Son of God might come this very minute. Hold on... let me take a minute to pray again!

Okay, I feel better but it might last for just a few minutes till I remember that the world is coming to an end again. You dey laugh? This one no be laff mata oh!! The bomb blast in the UN office at Abuja yesterday with devastating results, the floods in the north and one western state, and then the ocean surges in my Las Gidi that I used my own eyes to witness yesterday!! This is naija alone oh. We have not entered Hurricane Irene about to devastate the American east coast, Libya, Japan, Haiti again,... and the list goes on!! By the way, why is every bad thing named after a woman? Kilode now?! Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Irene... I know we can be mad bitches but that is often when we feel slighted or something, and do not quote "or something" as the reason. I can bet you it is a group of men that name these things after women, rme.

You should see the ocean surges! Alpha beach is no more, as well as Kuramo. All we have left of them are fond memories of days spent picking shells and eating suya while day-dreaming and staring at the ocean from the safety of our sandy beaches. Well, we also have nollywood movies where every couple in love have to play hide-and-seek on the beach and round a palm tree before their love is considered genuine, hehehehe. I should go and stock up on those movies for history reasons. My kids might not have a beach to visit if this trend continues, but at least with these movies they will know that once upon a time, LaS Gidi boasted of sandy beaches with white shells and creeping crabs (I will have to tell them those ones by mouth sha!)

So because of the ocean surges, the venue for the SGC for S.A.M.I Fashion Sales Fundraiser has been moved from the G12 Bar Oniru Private beach to the SS Lounge, Sapara Williams Close, off Idowu Martins (where we have Mega Plaza). The date is still the 28th of August (tomorrow) and it starts at 2pm. Celebrities will be there. The Press will be there. Fashion will soar while we touch the cell of someone precious.


Seriously though, this is not a nice development. I love my island and do not plan to relocate to the mainland. This is where it all goes down and forgive me for sounding posh but why would anyone not want to live on the island though? We are very organized here. No conductor shouting "Ketu, Ojota, Mile 12... wole!!!". No molue fighting with me for right of way on the road. I am scared of those contraptions. The traffic here is not filled with black smoke and rickety molues pushing me off my path and blocking my vision nor a danfo driver stopping smack in the middle of the road to jest with his fellow danfo driver who lost the speed race to him. Well, except you live in Obalende or go all the way to Ajah which I know will soon be posher than it is sef once these Hi-tech people stop focusing on the toll station and build the road they were commissioned to do.

I am seeing my dreams of owning a waterfront place in banana island going up in smoke... Noooo!!!!
Ocean surge, please stop!!! Do not ruin my dream since my days of reading Mills and Boon romances.

Okay, that's it. I am hungry. I need to go rustle up some breakfast now.  First though, somebody please help me tell Uncle Jona to stop bending head and start fighting these Boko Haram people fire-for-fire. The people we have lost were people with dreams like you and I. People with red sole louboutins that they would never wear again. Maybe someone we danced with in the club. Or crossed paths with in traffic, the bank, the mall... anywhere. They could be me or you!!! I do not want this fear we are being forced to live with!!! It is unhealthy and creeping the hell out of me. Please.

While I eat, please be safe!!

Hugs and hershey Kisses,


MIZ

Omoge Campus

I should have updated a day ago, but something came up hence the delay. Awon girls can like to form sha oh!!!!! That is the center of the tafia I am sharing with you people today. First though, how many people have RSVP'd for the SGC for S.A.M.I fund raiser I spoke about? Don't dull oh!!!

Okay... my gist. I went to the Protea Kuramo waters hotel on sunday with a couple of friends to swim. When I got there, I noticed some oyibo people by the Pool and in their midst was this "sele-nse" naija babe in a tacky gold swim suit (that thing should be burnt... ach!!!). She was my major form of entertainment that day. I was not laughing oh, I am not that rude (actually I was too entertained to miss a moment while laughing).

This chic was not wearing the swimsuit initially oh. She had on a serious bum short and an "Ama Kip Kip" T-shirt that molded her "assets" extremely well, I must say. The babe was heavy up there, chei!!! One of the dudes with my crew kept sneaking glances at it. Pity she was with a 70-year old lebanese man who looked like he'd keel over if the wind blew in his direction. Wetin she dey do with that one sef? I weak oh!!! I like money too, but I can bet you that the lustful dude I mentioned would have spent more money on her in support of the Manchester. She had nothing to speak of behind though, so the swim suit drooped at the bum as if she pooped or something... eeeuuuww!!! I should not have said that. She had a pretty face though and nice skin.

There was another girl in the party. A truly cute tiny under-age white girl whom I can wager is not a day older than 16. She was with a 35-year old looking white cute dude (but come oh... does that not classify as child abuse?)

Description over, entertainment starts. Aunty Gold suit stood up at one point and said

"we came here to swim and we are all relaxing here instead of swimming. I am going to change and start swimming, you people should join me." That was how the sisi went to change into her gold suit and stepped carefully into the pool. Na fear hold the babe oh!!
I thought she would enter and start doing some Michael Phelps stunts instead the babe stood in one spot smiling and swimming with her mouth that didn't keep quiet for one second.

"Kai, this water is cold oh!! And the sun is so hot. Should the water not be warm? Sweetheart, you did not warn me." Then she trilled in laughter
"Sweetheart, come inside now. Come and keep me warm. All of you come inside. Please bring my drink for me. Will they allow it? I want baileys."     

A while later her companions joined her in the pool and then true film show started. The young dude with the 16 year old were doing all lovey- dovey, with him carrying her to swim and all. Then the dude backed her into a corner close to where I was at the deep end.

"Kiss me" He said
"No, I cannot." She replied shyly
"It will be nice. Just wrap your legs around my waist and lean into me. Let me teach you the pleasures kissing can bring." He coerced

Chineke!!! See romance movie going on right beside me oh!! I used style to move closer for a better view. Ehhhnnn... I like tafia but you people are worse than me. So it's all good!!

On the other side, aunty gold suit was in her corner with Grandpa dancing to P-square's "Chop my money". I like that song... for very obvious reasons too!! The song is very danceable and it gives me hope that men would offer women an open cheque to chop their money to our heart's content!!!
Her dance style is something better seen because I no fit describe am sef.

"I cannot wait to go back to school. I told you I am a student. Lectures must have started now and they are giving out flyers for the lecture already." Sister-Gold-Swimsuit say WHAT?!!!! Flyers for lecture kwa? What school is that?! Where is it?! My eyes were as wide as saucers and I almost swallowed the pool water.

It is a pity I had to leave at that time because we had already gotten our tickets to see "Bad Teacher" at Genesis Deluxe Cinema. I would have loved so dearly to hear her explantion of how she uses a flyer to study. Umu nwanyi... I hail us!!!

I am going back to work. Talk to you soon.
Hugs and Hershey kisses,

MIZ

SGC for S.A.M.I Fund Raiser

I love any opportunity to have fun!!! I have to live while I still have my life, so don't blame me.
There is a fund raiser coming up on sunday the 28th of august (that's next week) by the way. It is being organized by V14 ventures as a precursor to the main SGC event I have been gisting y'all of.
I appreciate anything to ease the pain being suffered by fellow humans especially little ones. This fund raiser will be benefiting the Sickle-cell Advocacy and Management Initiative (S.A.M.I).

Knowing me as I hope you do from our plenty tatafo sessions, you must know I have one serious love... fashion!! And I am going to get a serious dose at this fund raising event, yezzurrr!!! They are selling strictly fashion items from clothes, to costume and beaded accessories as well as little fripperies ladies would love. The gents are being catered to as well so I am dragging all the men I can lay my hands on over there. They can shop for themselves as well as for me. Before I drift into gist mode you should know...

TIME: Sunday 28th August, 2011
            2pm- 6pm

LOCATION: G12 Bar Oniru Private Beach, Victoria Island

DRESS CODE: Sexy and free (it is the beach after-all!)

Basically, dress to look your best because this event would be covered by Lagos state Television (LTV) and Ovation Nigeria. Celebrities would be there too so put your famzing smiles on!!!

And for the record, I heard the first 40 people to arrive would not be required to pay for entrance... absolutely free!!! Woo-hoo!!!!

So darlings, let's show how charitable we are!! How caring we can be. Let's do as they have said in their message... "Come touch a cell, come celebrate courage, come give hope, come let's make the world brighter!! Come famz with stars!"

Gist in my next post for my tafia-loving darlings!!!
Hugs and hershey kisses,

MIZ

Down the Aisle...

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I got a marriage proposal yesterday from the most unlikely sources!!! Seriously. I am still mega freaked out. Well, maybe not too freaked out but gosh... that was the weirdest experience ever. *Mental shake-down* Grrrrr...!!!!

This was not one of those experiences that have me laughing, mba. I am close to tears actually. I cannot even concentrate on work today, my mind keeps shifting to the marriage proposal I got yesterday.

I was jejely in my apartment watching Vampire Diaries and drooling over Damon, when I heard the doorbell ring. Curious to see who it was because the security men usually call me to alert me of guests, I padded barefoot to the door and saw this dude standing in a uniform through the peep-hole. Recognizing him, I opened my door.

"Albert, what's up? Is everything alright?" I asked
"Errmm, yes. I actually wanted to speak with you about something very important. May I come in please, Miz?" he replied

I gestured for him to come inside and sit down.

"Please, can you go and wear something different? Don't be offended oh. I just cannot concentrate to tell you what I want with you in these clothes." he said just as I was about to sit down and hear his reason for being in my apartment.

Shuo!!!! I surprise no be small oh!! You come my house dey order wetin I go wear. Anyway, really curious at this time, I went in to change from my bum shorts to a maxi dress.

"E-hen, oya talk Albert. What's up? Person die?" I queried as soon as I returned to the living room
"No oh. Ha-ha. God forbid. Nobody will die in Jesus name, haaa!!!" I just had to roll my eyes at this point. Would he get to the point already or get out and allow me continue my Damon love.

"Actually, I have been having a particular dream for the past one week. I have fought and fought. I have even prayed and prayed, but it seems I had no option but to conquer my shyness and come to meet you today. You know, sometimes somethings come to us through dreams. God reveals supernatural things to us, and I am what my people would call a 'wuli' in my church. I do not know if you understand yoruba but that means 'seer'. I see things through dreams and they always come true. You have to believe and ..."

"Dude, you need to speak up. I have stuff to do. Stop dancing around. Did they tell you I am going to grow horns in your dream? abi they just sent you to come and grate on my nerves." I interrupted him mid- speech because I see the dude gearing up for an hour long sermon

"Sorry" To my great surprise, this dude went down on one knee and fished this plastic case containing an emel ring out of his pocket.

"You were revealed to me as my wife. I have prayed and prayed about it and God has told me you are my missing rib. The mother of my 6 children. The woman that will comfort me in my old age. Please Miz, consider the courage it took me to come up here and talk to you. Consider God before you reject me. I can see you are about to. Please."

Eeehhhnnn... I was about to race out of there. That was just a tad too eerie, like WTH!!! My security man just proposed to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could not even move to save my life. I was shell- shocked, I swear down. I just sat there like a truck just ran over me.

After about 10 minutes of my mouth hanging open and my eyes bulging out of their sockets, I just had to do something before the guy would probably take my silence for consent and slip the ring onto my finger. That thought had me standing up like the fires of hell had taken over my seat.

"Errmm, Albert. Thank you very much for your courage, but you should have saved it for your real wife. Trust me, if God reveals the same thing to me no wahala. But God has revealed to me that my husband will be richer than me when I meet him and better than me over- all. Am I going to be feeding you and clothing you? I already pay your salary. No offense meant oh, I mean I truly appreciate your courage. You are very bold, and your ring is quite cute too (it was tacky actually), but sorry, NO has to do. Thank you for coming ehn..." I quickly ushered him to the door and ran to call Seke who promptly burst into laughter. Ol' boy, see me see wahala oh!! Who did I offend na? Cheiii...!!!

On a brighter note biko, I know talented people who make beautiful things you would not want to miss. Check these out...

These anklets were made by Valentina of V14 ventures. Are they not simply sexy? For all your beaded accessories, holla at her on v14ventures@yahoo.com, or you follow her on twitter through www.twitter.com/valuvme.

On second thoughts, there is a fund raiser coming up as a pre- event for the SGC 2011 for sickle cell event. Her accessories will be part of the items for sale too, so be on the alert as I will post more details here and on twitter. Have to go now darlings. Hugs and Hershey kisses.

MIZ

The Dream Wedding by Mai

I feel loads better today after my blind date from hell. And hey!!! It's a friday, yo!!! Every reason to be happy. I am not going out tonight though. No be so waka dey my leg. I am staying in tonight. Finally, I can relax and dream about my wedding coming up in "God knows when". I should blame Mai for this. He created "The Dream Wedding" as he promised. I am still salivating over those gowns and the grooms... They made me look around for a Priest to bind us together. There were two grooms that caught my eye as well as that of all the ladies present, I bet *rme*. Gosh, sexiness doesn't even complete their description. One of them like Mila Kunis said in "Friends with Benefits", looks like his body was photoshopped!!
Dayuuummm!!! When his shirt was unbuttoned by his bride, I screamed in ecstacy!! *closingMyEyes* (Okay, so I screamed in my head and not out loud), but my eyes were as wide as they can ever get! That dude was finger-licking jaw dropping sexy!! And the other dude... He had this clean-cut fine boy look. A smile filled with knowledge, and eyes that strip one bare. Where did Mai get them oh?! *FansSelf*

The venue was like a scene straight out of an exotic fantasy. Brimming with sexy colors, I could feel the romance. I wanted to be the one dressed in a wedding dress by Mai with the man I love standing beside me, saying our vows to each other. That's how romantic the venue was. And the music... Gosh!! Whom do I start with? Chidimma who sang the song I swear by... "At Last"? Or Yemi Alade who thrilled us to "Sweet Love", abi Bez who had me totally enraptured, I thought I was going to cry from the sheer beauty of his voice, the lyrics, and his excellent guitar skills. He mixes soul with jazz and RnB. Beautiful!!!
There were other artistes there... Waje the babe that wants to drink garri with her man (for where!!!), Dipo the fuji (I think) crooner, Obiwon whose song "Obimuo" still reminds me of my ex, and Nyanya of the Project Fame academy. Great choices, Mai!!

And then, una know say your babe like better thing ba? I gorged on dessert!! Two servings and I still wanted more. Those cakes were wow!!! Thumbs up to Cakes by Tosan!!! But wait oh... E be like say mehn wan take over oh!! Wedding gown na man, cake na man... Kilode?! I won't lie sha, men seem to do it even better! Just like men doing hair, nails, and being my personal doctor. Oya go on, call me an "ashie" like Somi. Hehehe.

My eyes are beginning to glaze from hunger, but this gist won't be complete without my mentioning the "royal wedding" between Uti Nwachukwu and Munachi Abii. That kiss... Hmmm... E be like say Uti has been dreaming about it for a while oh! But it was quite romantic. There was a bouquet toss as expected, and a married babe caught the bouquet. What was she doing in line? Hehehe. But she sweetly gave it to a friend of hers. Congratulations in advance, babe! Lol.

I am off, darlings. Time to travel to La La Land. Be careful out there tonight!
Hugs and Hershey Kisses,

Miz.

Blind Date... eish!!!

If you follow me on twitter, then you know what I was up to on monday evening. I went on a date with Colin Farrell's character in "Horrible Bosses". Seriously! Well, figuratively. In looks and character, this dude walked straight out of "The Freaky Weirdos" (is there a movie with that name?)
His hair had obviously been permed and slicked back. He must have adored Oliver De Coque. He is beginning to go bald, I should say. Go figure how his head looked. His lips were wet and guys with wet lips disgust me endlessly. He kept licking them all through the evening and had white marks on the edges of his lips... I could not eat a bite!! *GAG*
He had small beady eyes that kept undressing me and made me feel so dirty (I scrubbed so hard when I got home!) He's got a potbelly, but that did not stop him from wearing this really tight shirt that made me keep looking to see if a button had popped.

That one no do the guy oh!!! He can't speak correct English to save his life. He mixed his tenses so badly, it hurt. You know the worst part though? His voice!! He's got this voice that can be heard a mile away!! He was so generous with his phone conversations as well as ours, that I'm sure the people downstairs benefited from it. We all got to hear about the rolls royce parked in his village mansion and the palazzo he bought in spain for his and his "bebe" (pronounced as written) to relax when "legos" becomes too stressful.

"You know I have work hard to earn my money. It did not comes easy to me at all. I have struggle and today it have end. I can afford to traveled everywhere in this world and treat my "bebe" to the same thing. Let me tell you nne, you think I left work to come and play with you? I am wanting serious affair here. Be good to me and in less than 6months, I marry you!"

Oh hell NO!!!! That was just too much mehn!! I stood up, picked up my bag and forgetting how tired I was, I marched out of the restaurant!! For what na!!! Meee, Miz, I don suffer... Kai!!!! Be "good to him". Did my aunt tell that dude the caliber of people I roll with?
It's not his fault sha. I was being nice to my aunt when I agreed to go even though I should have paid attention to my instincts. Who names their kid "Erastus", biko?! I should have run when I heard that was his name, but nice girl wan kill me.

"Erastus Okoro"... Eishhh... What a very unsexy name!!!!

But the dude get liver sha, I no go lie. He saw a lady dressed to the teeth like I was, my perfect diction, and still said I should be "nice" to him so he can marry me. Who dey find husband?! Taaa...!!!!
I still have not gotten over it oh. Thank God he does not have my number or anything.
I haven't called my aunt yet. I am still so pissed. Na me she look finish, come throw give Erastus Okoro?! That dude should be with someone named "Ekwutosi" who would give him a huge smile when he opens his mouth to bleat. Bush man!

I wanted to gist y'all about "The Dream Wedding" by Mai Atafo Inspired, but this gist don weak me. I'm off to bed. Talk to y'all later, okay?
Hugs and Hershey kisses,


MIZ