I DEY CATCH COLD

I just had a flashback to those days when I used to hear these preachers come out early in the morning at say 5am, with their bells or mega phones to pronounce doom on everybody sleeping.

"Repent or you will burn in the pits of hell!! (Bells clanging). The beast will take you prisoner and you will rot forever as his captive unless you repent NOW!!! (more clanging)"

If you have never heard these people at work, have you at least received tracts that curse you to perdition if you do not stop being a sinner?
I am a Christian, in fact I have an extra-special relationship with Baba God but trust me, I will never threaten you into submission oh!!! The Book of Revelations is enough to scare the sin away from you!
I remember I used to give my life to Christ every morning when I heard that eerie prediction and I was just a wee lil' kid whose sole mission in Life was to grow up and be a doctor so I can take care of all the sick people in the world!! Speaking of which, how did my glorious medical self become a self-absorbed fashionista designing adverts and promoting companies? Na lie jor, somebody stole my destiny!! I refuse to accept that I ran away from the dream when I heard I would be operating on cadavers in the university... emi ke?! Lai lai!!! (Sisi Yemmie don't ask me why I am so nigerian jor!! Yes, we repeat words. You know it sounds better, truetrue.)

These days once I see a tract that looks remotely like it is about to melt me in fire, I run!! "Oso ndu" like my ibo self would say. I no fit shout.

So the reason for my waking up early this saturday to remember my way into fear is the recent happenings in the world especially as my beloved Naija has become deeply embroiled in it, reminding me that the Son of God might come this very minute. Hold on... let me take a minute to pray again!

Okay, I feel better but it might last for just a few minutes till I remember that the world is coming to an end again. You dey laugh? This one no be laff mata oh!! The bomb blast in the UN office at Abuja yesterday with devastating results, the floods in the north and one western state, and then the ocean surges in my Las Gidi that I used my own eyes to witness yesterday!! This is naija alone oh. We have not entered Hurricane Irene about to devastate the American east coast, Libya, Japan, Haiti again,... and the list goes on!! By the way, why is every bad thing named after a woman? Kilode now?! Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Irene... I know we can be mad bitches but that is often when we feel slighted or something, and do not quote "or something" as the reason. I can bet you it is a group of men that name these things after women, rme.

You should see the ocean surges! Alpha beach is no more, as well as Kuramo. All we have left of them are fond memories of days spent picking shells and eating suya while day-dreaming and staring at the ocean from the safety of our sandy beaches. Well, we also have nollywood movies where every couple in love have to play hide-and-seek on the beach and round a palm tree before their love is considered genuine, hehehehe. I should go and stock up on those movies for history reasons. My kids might not have a beach to visit if this trend continues, but at least with these movies they will know that once upon a time, LaS Gidi boasted of sandy beaches with white shells and creeping crabs (I will have to tell them those ones by mouth sha!)

So because of the ocean surges, the venue for the SGC for S.A.M.I Fashion Sales Fundraiser has been moved from the G12 Bar Oniru Private beach to the SS Lounge, Sapara Williams Close, off Idowu Martins (where we have Mega Plaza). The date is still the 28th of August (tomorrow) and it starts at 2pm. Celebrities will be there. The Press will be there. Fashion will soar while we touch the cell of someone precious.


Seriously though, this is not a nice development. I love my island and do not plan to relocate to the mainland. This is where it all goes down and forgive me for sounding posh but why would anyone not want to live on the island though? We are very organized here. No conductor shouting "Ketu, Ojota, Mile 12... wole!!!". No molue fighting with me for right of way on the road. I am scared of those contraptions. The traffic here is not filled with black smoke and rickety molues pushing me off my path and blocking my vision nor a danfo driver stopping smack in the middle of the road to jest with his fellow danfo driver who lost the speed race to him. Well, except you live in Obalende or go all the way to Ajah which I know will soon be posher than it is sef once these Hi-tech people stop focusing on the toll station and build the road they were commissioned to do.

I am seeing my dreams of owning a waterfront place in banana island going up in smoke... Noooo!!!!
Ocean surge, please stop!!! Do not ruin my dream since my days of reading Mills and Boon romances.

Okay, that's it. I am hungry. I need to go rustle up some breakfast now.  First though, somebody please help me tell Uncle Jona to stop bending head and start fighting these Boko Haram people fire-for-fire. The people we have lost were people with dreams like you and I. People with red sole louboutins that they would never wear again. Maybe someone we danced with in the club. Or crossed paths with in traffic, the bank, the mall... anywhere. They could be me or you!!! I do not want this fear we are being forced to live with!!! It is unhealthy and creeping the hell out of me. Please.

While I eat, please be safe!!

Hugs and hershey Kisses,


MIZ