E-hen...!! Her gist! Hahahahahahaa!!! Allen is a great fabricator. She is excellent. Unrivaled. I am blessed to have her as a neighbor. I get downright entertaining gist and all I have to pay is attention.
Okay so according to Allen, back when she was in the university, she played a fast one on some dude. She had just finished lectures, she was McHammer broke, and she stood by the roadside trying to gather the drive and energy to walk to her hostel which was about 20 minutes away on foot. The sun was scorching and she had on a suit since it was a monday. While standing there pondering how to start the walk, this really cool car pulled up next to her.
"Hello" The guy said "need a ride?"
To which my darling Allen took a big risk and said "oh No thank you. I am actually waiting for my insane driver to come pick me up. I just cannot reach him on the phone. He isn't taking calls and I'm going bananas. Really nice of u to stop for me, but I wouldn't dream of inconveniencing you."
"It's no trouble, dear. I hate to see a damsel in distress (Ok! That's so CLICHÉ!) Why don't I drop you off wherever you are headed? This sun isn't pretty."
"Well, I was actually going to stop for a quick lunch at Jevinik before heading back to my hotel." She replied (babe neva chop since morning O! Smart girl!)
"Perfect. I need to eat myself. If you do not mind one more person at the table with you?" The bobo asked
Long story short, Allen entered the car. Enroute Jevinik (did I mention this took place in owerri, Imo State?), Allen gave this guy her life "history". She was supposedly the daughter of an Ambassador, and she worked as a consultant to the Minister of Tourism (I know, I know... I burst out laughing at this point. Chei!!!) Who dash this girl all these accomplishments back then? Student oh!
*an MBA from Harvard Business School
*an ambassador father
*a consulting job with the Ministry of Tourism
And the list goes on oh...
The guy got excited. Apparently he had been pursuing a contract with the Ministry. Kai...!! His lucky day! Bobo started smiling big smile and chumming up. She promised him an appointment with the Minister as soon as she can, though it will be tough (LDKMD!!)
Time to pay after the meal, bobo folded his hands expecting Ambassador daughter to pay (what a wuss!!). Allen turned to him...
"You are not expecting me to pay for your meal, are you? What kind of a gentleman are you? Is that the way nigerian men are? This is appalling! Where I come from, if a man takes a lady out he pays for her meal except she offers to do it. Those are the kind of men I flow with."
Embarassment make bobo produce cash sharp- sharp!! But seriously, you dey find contract and awoof at the same time, smh.
The funniest part was when Allen finished her meal of pounded yam with native soup, and beckoned to the waiter.
"Please bring me harpic." (Did your mouth just drop open?)
"The harpic is in the toilet if you need it, madam." He replied
Allen blew up! "What nonsense!! What kind of customer service is this? I have to get up to go to the toilet to wash my hands? Shouldn't you have harpic on the tables?!" (I wasn't there, but I cringed in embarassment when I heard this part)
"Oh!! You mean Morning Fresh, madam. I will bring some for you right away." The waiter said
According to Allen, she wanted to die but she just covered up...
"Oh yes, I am so sorry. I am just so tired that I am not thinking straight." She then turned to oga contract "do you mind dropping me off at my hotel, please? I am lodged at The Concorde"
For those who do not know, Concorde Hotel is 20 minutes drive away from Ikenegbu where she was and her hostel located. Am I the only person thinking... "How did she intend to trek home then?" Because babe said she had only twenty naira in her wallet.
I swear I was weak from laughter at this point. Allen, darling Allen. Never a dull moment!! Got to go now, darlings!! It's a thursday evening. Perfect for drinks. Have a blast. XoXo
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