Crazy Aunt Mildred!!

How e be say trouble dey sleep, yanga go dey wake am? I wish I could say this saying describes my situation accurately but the truth is, I was sitting down calmly when trouble waka come find me. 

I took an early lunch yesterday and had just taken my first bite of the really good chicken when someone screamed my name so dramatically causing me to almost choke... WTH!!! I looked up to see my dad's sister coming straight at me with a wide-toothed grin and her cologne floating behind her. Her Brazilian hair extension almost made me choke again. It was down to her hips (bear in mind that this woman is in her 60s)!!!!

"Darling, how are you? Fancy seeing you here, you naughty naughty child!!! You never call and you do not even visit despite the fact that we live in the same Ikoyi. You should be spanked! Don't just sit there... get up and give me a hug!! Are you not glad to see me?" 

"Of course aunty, I'm glad to see you." (By God, the lunch was a bad bad idea!! Her tight hug was crushing my bones and squeezing the life out of me!) "What are you doing here aunty??"

"Oh, I am lodged here for today, so I decided to come down for lunch and who do I see but you?!" She trilled

"You and Uncle Obi had a disagreement?" I had to ask. She always does that when she has a quarrel with my uncle regarding something she wants. She packs a bag and heads to a top-scale hotel that has a good spa within or nearby

"Oh don't worry about it honey, he will come around before the end of today. He always does. It's about Adure's wedding present. I wish I could tell you what I want us to get her but it's supposed to be a surprise and seeing as how you are very close to her... hey Waiter!!!! I need my order taken! (Need I mention that she had settled in comfortably on the seat opposite mine?) He's just being stubborn. So tell me how you have been."

**sigh** I love my aunt to bits but she can deplete one's energy with her constant chatter. 

"Just work, aunty. Work and more work. You know how it gets especially at this time of year. We are closing old accounts and putting finishing touches to everything. Plus I'm on the planning committee for the Christmas party at work. It's all fun though!"

"Oh Lord, baby, you just reminded me that I haven't made any plans for our annual family Christmas dinner. I have to call your mom so we can iron out the details. So much to do what with the wedding too! Has Adure sent your aso-ebi material to you? Do you love it or do you love it?! I told her the colour was totally made for the both of you. It took us 2 whole weeks to decide on the right fabric and design, did she tell you?... Speaking of weddings, what is going on with you, nwanyi-oma? No man yet? When are you getting married?"

AH!! There goes the million-dollar question!!

My aunt never fails to ask this question each time we meet. She agonizes over it more than my poor mom could ever hope to do. It is an issue of constant grief to her. She has the chief role of making sure everyone in the family gets married at 21 **shudders**

"Ha-ha, I am quite certain you would have known if I was getting married, aunty. Nothing ever passes you by! You are too smart for that. Look, I have to run, aunty. I have already over-stayed my lunch hour by 20minutes and we have got deadlines to meet. I will come by the house this weekend, I promise." I stood up and went to air-kiss her but my aunt held my face before I could do that...

"I know a wonderful young man. From a very responsible home and he's got a very good job too. I will set up a date for you two." (Oh Hell NO!!! Pardon my French, but she's the same person that set me up on the blind date with that local champion... No way I'm giving her another opportunity!)

"No aunty, I have someone in my life right now. Really. You don't have to worry about me. I am fine! Bye aunty, Love you!"

I quickly made my exit and practically flew to the office.Every body must have a crazy aunt Mildred, and you just met mine!! She should walk around with a T-shirt like this everyday, really.

I am off to bed jare, sleep beckons.

Hugs and Hershey Kisses,
MIZ

Down the Aisle...

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I got a marriage proposal yesterday from the most unlikely sources!!! Seriously. I am still mega freaked out. Well, maybe not too freaked out but gosh... that was the weirdest experience ever. *Mental shake-down* Grrrrr...!!!!

This was not one of those experiences that have me laughing, mba. I am close to tears actually. I cannot even concentrate on work today, my mind keeps shifting to the marriage proposal I got yesterday.

I was jejely in my apartment watching Vampire Diaries and drooling over Damon, when I heard the doorbell ring. Curious to see who it was because the security men usually call me to alert me of guests, I padded barefoot to the door and saw this dude standing in a uniform through the peep-hole. Recognizing him, I opened my door.

"Albert, what's up? Is everything alright?" I asked
"Errmm, yes. I actually wanted to speak with you about something very important. May I come in please, Miz?" he replied

I gestured for him to come inside and sit down.

"Please, can you go and wear something different? Don't be offended oh. I just cannot concentrate to tell you what I want with you in these clothes." he said just as I was about to sit down and hear his reason for being in my apartment.

Shuo!!!! I surprise no be small oh!! You come my house dey order wetin I go wear. Anyway, really curious at this time, I went in to change from my bum shorts to a maxi dress.

"E-hen, oya talk Albert. What's up? Person die?" I queried as soon as I returned to the living room
"No oh. Ha-ha. God forbid. Nobody will die in Jesus name, haaa!!!" I just had to roll my eyes at this point. Would he get to the point already or get out and allow me continue my Damon love.

"Actually, I have been having a particular dream for the past one week. I have fought and fought. I have even prayed and prayed, but it seems I had no option but to conquer my shyness and come to meet you today. You know, sometimes somethings come to us through dreams. God reveals supernatural things to us, and I am what my people would call a 'wuli' in my church. I do not know if you understand yoruba but that means 'seer'. I see things through dreams and they always come true. You have to believe and ..."

"Dude, you need to speak up. I have stuff to do. Stop dancing around. Did they tell you I am going to grow horns in your dream? abi they just sent you to come and grate on my nerves." I interrupted him mid- speech because I see the dude gearing up for an hour long sermon

"Sorry" To my great surprise, this dude went down on one knee and fished this plastic case containing an emel ring out of his pocket.

"You were revealed to me as my wife. I have prayed and prayed about it and God has told me you are my missing rib. The mother of my 6 children. The woman that will comfort me in my old age. Please Miz, consider the courage it took me to come up here and talk to you. Consider God before you reject me. I can see you are about to. Please."

Eeehhhnnn... I was about to race out of there. That was just a tad too eerie, like WTH!!! My security man just proposed to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could not even move to save my life. I was shell- shocked, I swear down. I just sat there like a truck just ran over me.

After about 10 minutes of my mouth hanging open and my eyes bulging out of their sockets, I just had to do something before the guy would probably take my silence for consent and slip the ring onto my finger. That thought had me standing up like the fires of hell had taken over my seat.

"Errmm, Albert. Thank you very much for your courage, but you should have saved it for your real wife. Trust me, if God reveals the same thing to me no wahala. But God has revealed to me that my husband will be richer than me when I meet him and better than me over- all. Am I going to be feeding you and clothing you? I already pay your salary. No offense meant oh, I mean I truly appreciate your courage. You are very bold, and your ring is quite cute too (it was tacky actually), but sorry, NO has to do. Thank you for coming ehn..." I quickly ushered him to the door and ran to call Seke who promptly burst into laughter. Ol' boy, see me see wahala oh!! Who did I offend na? Cheiii...!!!

On a brighter note biko, I know talented people who make beautiful things you would not want to miss. Check these out...

These anklets were made by Valentina of V14 ventures. Are they not simply sexy? For all your beaded accessories, holla at her on v14ventures@yahoo.com, or you follow her on twitter through www.twitter.com/valuvme.

On second thoughts, there is a fund raiser coming up as a pre- event for the SGC 2011 for sickle cell event. Her accessories will be part of the items for sale too, so be on the alert as I will post more details here and on twitter. Have to go now darlings. Hugs and Hershey kisses.

MIZ