OPPA GANGNAM!!!

 Why people like to dey find my mouth so, ehn?

Life stays giving me plenty gist for y'all without me even trying. Now that I think on it some more, not such a bad deal. Imagine if life were predictable? I'd cry myself to sleep every minute!!!

Anyhoo... Hello darlings!!! It's Tuesday, Yo!!!!! Friday night fever creeping into every pore I possess, makes me want to jump up on my desk and do the quick-step! (No, I don't do the "gangnam". Yet. I'm waiting for either Rih-Rih or Beyonce to "sexify" the dance. I've got an image to preserve. Then again, I saw Heidi do the Gangnam at the EMA’s and she’s as HOT as it gets so I have to learn that dance now, hehe!) Friday is still a couple of days away but don’t blame a girl for being optimistic.

E-hen, back to the gist I want to give you. I got home yesterday evening after a quick stop at Orela Grill to pick up my dinner (mashed potatoes and well-done steak), quickly parked the car and was running to the elevator when a neighbor (Adeola) stopped me and the following conversation ensued:

ADEOLA: "Chickito!!! Just a minute, jor. How now? (Who still says "chickito" btw?)"

 ME: "I'm good, very tired though. Where's the fire? What's up? (This, in a very bored and impatient tone)

 ADEOLA: "Fire ke? (Cackles) hahahaha. You and your humor ehn... You are very funny. There's no fire. You do look very tired. Pele oh, you hear? Sorry."

 ME: "Thank you. What do you want oh, Adeola?"

 ADEOLA: "Oh, Ah yes!! Ermm... Well, I met with some of the other women in the estate this afternoon over lunch."

 Somehow she catches sight of my bag from Orela...

 ADEOLA: "Ah! Orela!!! I like their food so much!!! (You like food, 'Deola. Simple!) Their steak is so juicy and well-spiced, makes me salivate even now. Is there enough for two there, by any chance?"

 (Huh?!?!)

 ME: "No Adeola, just enough for me. I didn't know I had to buy for the building as well as me. What did you want to talk about, nwanyi?! I'm tired and need to get to my apartment!"

 ADEOLA: Oh, sorry jare, my dear. I tend to get distracted a lot. My husband is always complaining about it. So embarrassing, I tell you. No vex, you hear? Okay, so we all got together over lunch and we all talked about you."

 

(Like seriously, what's new?)

 

ADEOLA: "We are all fascinated by your fabulous body and we see you go out in your car every saturday morning dressed for sports. We were wondering if we could entice you into joining all of us on a neighborhood jog every saturday starting at 6am. You seem to be the pro. You could teach us a thing or two"

 (FoodieNeighborBotheringMeSayWhatttt????)

 Me, jog? These women have got to be kidding me!!! Hahahahahaha!!!! Laugh no gree me. I practically choked laughing. This was a hilarious moment. Me, JOG????

 

Suffice it to say, I politely convinced her that I'm not the best running mate they could have. Abeg, I cannot shout! Hahahahahahaha!!! This is me laughing in a mix of chinese and abiriba!!! Jog kor, crawl ni!!!

 Okay, I'm off to actually get some work done to justify this month’s salary. I will be going to Sailors Lounge with some of my girls later this evening for FREEDOM HALL. Perfect evening to check out our LaS GiDi competition and drool over the hotties, but most importantly appreciate the arts!

Get out there, kiss someone random, drink some vodka... Have some fun!!

 

Bisous, XoXo

 

MIZ

New Year Blues

Happy new Year, darlings!! We have been absolutely blessed to be able to cross-over into 2012. All na God, and on behalf of all of us, I thank Him.

This year started with a bang for me and that's no lie. My family home was visited by armed robbers on the 1st at 2:30am. That was some scary shit, I swear! We had all just gone to bed after spending time with the fireworks and calling friends and loved ones to wish them a happy new year. Safe in my blissful state of excitement in seeing 2012, I felt so jarred when my mom rushed into my bedroom to alert me to the gunshots that seemed like they were coming from right outside my window!

"Wait! Those are gunshots?!" I jumped up so fast, my head spun

"Hush baby, you are screaming, they will hear. Get on the floor, lie down flat" My mom whispered


"I thought our neighbours were still busy with their own fireworks oh. Are they in the house beside us?" My eyes were as wide as saucers and I was shaking like a leaf.

"No baby. They are in our compound and your dad is holding down the forte. He's shooting as well to scare them away. Let's hope the Police arrive fast, your brothers already called them. Let us pray, baby. God will get us out of this. Your brothers and the others are standing guard at all the entrances so that they don't come into the house." 

Sharp sharp I started to kabash better than any MFM member could ever hope to do. Ehn... see me skiboboing and quoting Bible verses I thought I had forgotten. God must have known I was about to burst into truly hysterical tears because 20minutes later, my brothers came in to ask us to relax because the hooligans had gone and the Police had not even smelt the entrance of the estate. Na wa oh!!

My darlings, my life is filled with drama so much that I fear even my funeral when I am in my hundreds would smack of drama as well. Wish there was a way I could update y'all on that too. Who knows? There just might be. I should ask God when I get up there and yes, I will make heaven because I'm too scared of hell not to and I respect my God too well.

As if sey that one no do, our oga Jona had to finally spring this fuel subsidy removal rubbish on us! On the 1st day of the first month of a new year. Who does that????!!!! How can we suddenly start buying petrol for N143.00 from N65.00 per litre??? WTH??? So our able President cannot continue providing us with the fuel subsidy because he wants to pay off our national debt but he can allocate billions to the aso rock for feeding and living expenses? Oshi!!!

This is absolute crap!! The most annoying thing is the fact that millions of Nigerians sit in their homes constructing funny broadcasts about the issue, then send it out to get everyone laughing over an issue guaranteed to cripple a lot of homes. Electricity is zero to none! Most people power their generators with this petrol, how do they cope? Minimum wage is a pathetic sum which I happily dash to my cleaning lady at the office. We practically have no basic amenities... Light we no get, water we no get, good road na Nollywood movie! Citizens be sending out stupid broadcasts cracking jokes about serious issues, so by the time people get laughing about this, they forget how serious it is and simply accept it. Balderdash!!!

I seriously applaud those in Abuja that trooped into Eagle Square in their hundreds to sign the protest register. I wish I could have been in Abuja to join in despite the arrests of citizens calmly exercising their rights. Where do these people get off arresting innocent citizens exactly? I don't get it!!
I am ready to join in any protests being held here in Lagos. Note that!! We all have fundamental human rights as citizens of this country! If they think they are frustrating me, they have another think coming!!! Nobody, absolutely nobody has the right to intimidate me in my motherland nor anywhere else for that matter. As long as I am within my rights! To think that they also seized the register the people were signing. Just what are these people smoking?

I am Miz, I am Ibo, I am Nigerian and I join my voice to say "ENOUGH!!"  Nonsense and ingredients!!!

I am so sorry that I have been so serious today but I am truly pissed off at the state of affairs of my beloved Naija. Lots of rubbish that we are having to stomach from our rulers and it makes me wonder what we would stomach if this were still a military regime. This is a pseudo-democracy!

I need to go calm down so I can sleep. Work resumes tomorrow, and it will not be pretty seeing people hustling even harder than usual just to eke a living out of the crappy situation. I am going to have to give a lot of people rides tomorrow to help in the little way that I can. One hundred and sixty-five naira (N165.00)... tahhhh!!!!!!

Happy new year again, my Loves. May this year bring better tidings for us, IJN.

Love and Hershey Kisses,

MIZ

It's About Time

I am so sorry, darlings!! Been a while, huh?
It seems like I am always apologizing these days. Abeg, make una no vex for my side oh. It's work that has been so crazy and of course, I have been up to so many things that always make me wonder what planet I come from. Seriously, I must be some sort of alien form. I no longer understand it. However, if I say I do not enjoy every minute of my life... my nose would be 18inches or more by nightfall which isn't far-off.

Well, if I were catholic I'd probably start this gist like this...

"Forgive me darlings, for I may have sinned. It depends on the way you view fairness though. You see, I want another woman's boyfriend and I intend to have him. Is that a bad thing? I doubt it. But, what if I just want him for a brief period of time? I do not want to keep him... I think.

Does this make me a bad person?

Well, my gist started a year ago when I was introduced to this hunk at an exclusive beach picnic that was organized by one big-wig. He came in his own boat, his shirt was off as he controlled the boat and I could not stop staring at his ripped muscles and my gosh he was TALL!! Anybody who knows me, know that I die for tall, hot guys. Call me an "ashh..." that's your business. He-he.

So there I was, mouth slightly agape staring at this wonderful work of God till he was standing right in front of me and I did not even know it. I had travelled to that beautiful place where only fantasies abide. He had to clap his hands in front of my face to bring me back to reality and the annoying accessory that was hanging onto his arm like she was never going to let go. I disliked her instantly. Sorry, but I'm a babe and we are genetically engineered to dislike ladies that have the men that we want. To make matters worse, she was standing there grinning like the cat that got the milk. Aaaarrrrrggghhhh...!!!! I could feel the smoke emitting from my ears. Figuratively.

By the way, if you think less of me for wanting another woman's man, I should remind you of something you must have seen when you clicked on my blog. Hate me or love me... there's a little of me in you! *EVILGRIN

Back to my gist, I flirted codedly with this dude all day and trust me, I wasted no time in getting his complimentary card. Rule of the game ladies... if you truly want the dude, get his contact details and make it look like that was all he ever wanted to do. If not, na long thing you dey oh. He might never call you.

Days later, I found some petty excuse to call on him at his office. In the name of "business", well to be fair, I patronised his company a month after that. After the first visit, he started calling me often and I spent a lot of time giggling while chatting with him on BBM, I practically drove all of my friends insane. I met his chic a few times during the course of the year and she always went out of her way to be rude to me and I could not help but be amused because come on... this is ME we are discussing here. Hahahaha. I think I'm being deliberately unbearable today. Bear with me... is that possible? I would like to think so.

Anyway, I have been absolutely sweet and charming and understanding and homey, I fear I am losing my sense of self in my effort to reel this dude in. Do not get me wrong, I am quite homey naturally (Fabulously so), however this whole Martha Stewart/ Paris Hilton thing I got going just to get the bobo is something else, I swear. But then again, he's seriously coming around from what I have observed. Never say I failed at something I put my mind to. Just today, he invited me with him on his trip to Paris this Christmas and that my dears, prompted my confession and gist today!

I could not resist doing a skip in the office and I immediately called my partner-in-crime, Somi. She could not believe my audacity though she absolutely loved it!! Hey, she'd have done the same thing while she was still single and now she lives out her every naughty thoughts through me. Who is complaining though? Not me. Hehe

Anyway, I have a lunch date with him tomorrow and I intend to pop the big question. I intend to make sure we go to a very romantic restaurant to give me the right atmosphere to ask...

Hey... what question did you think it was? Me proposing to the dude? Lai lai!!! I dey craze??? I did say I wasn't sure I wanted to keep him, DUH!! Lol.
If he thinks I am going to travel to Paris with him as a side-chick, he's got another think coming. Miz is always the One and ONLY. I do not share.

So darlings, stay tuned! I will be bringing you more tafia soon. XoXo

Hugs and Hershey Kisses,

MIZ

I DEY CATCH COLD

I just had a flashback to those days when I used to hear these preachers come out early in the morning at say 5am, with their bells or mega phones to pronounce doom on everybody sleeping.

"Repent or you will burn in the pits of hell!! (Bells clanging). The beast will take you prisoner and you will rot forever as his captive unless you repent NOW!!! (more clanging)"

If you have never heard these people at work, have you at least received tracts that curse you to perdition if you do not stop being a sinner?
I am a Christian, in fact I have an extra-special relationship with Baba God but trust me, I will never threaten you into submission oh!!! The Book of Revelations is enough to scare the sin away from you!
I remember I used to give my life to Christ every morning when I heard that eerie prediction and I was just a wee lil' kid whose sole mission in Life was to grow up and be a doctor so I can take care of all the sick people in the world!! Speaking of which, how did my glorious medical self become a self-absorbed fashionista designing adverts and promoting companies? Na lie jor, somebody stole my destiny!! I refuse to accept that I ran away from the dream when I heard I would be operating on cadavers in the university... emi ke?! Lai lai!!! (Sisi Yemmie don't ask me why I am so nigerian jor!! Yes, we repeat words. You know it sounds better, truetrue.)

These days once I see a tract that looks remotely like it is about to melt me in fire, I run!! "Oso ndu" like my ibo self would say. I no fit shout.

So the reason for my waking up early this saturday to remember my way into fear is the recent happenings in the world especially as my beloved Naija has become deeply embroiled in it, reminding me that the Son of God might come this very minute. Hold on... let me take a minute to pray again!

Okay, I feel better but it might last for just a few minutes till I remember that the world is coming to an end again. You dey laugh? This one no be laff mata oh!! The bomb blast in the UN office at Abuja yesterday with devastating results, the floods in the north and one western state, and then the ocean surges in my Las Gidi that I used my own eyes to witness yesterday!! This is naija alone oh. We have not entered Hurricane Irene about to devastate the American east coast, Libya, Japan, Haiti again,... and the list goes on!! By the way, why is every bad thing named after a woman? Kilode now?! Hurricane Katrina, Hurricane Irene... I know we can be mad bitches but that is often when we feel slighted or something, and do not quote "or something" as the reason. I can bet you it is a group of men that name these things after women, rme.

You should see the ocean surges! Alpha beach is no more, as well as Kuramo. All we have left of them are fond memories of days spent picking shells and eating suya while day-dreaming and staring at the ocean from the safety of our sandy beaches. Well, we also have nollywood movies where every couple in love have to play hide-and-seek on the beach and round a palm tree before their love is considered genuine, hehehehe. I should go and stock up on those movies for history reasons. My kids might not have a beach to visit if this trend continues, but at least with these movies they will know that once upon a time, LaS Gidi boasted of sandy beaches with white shells and creeping crabs (I will have to tell them those ones by mouth sha!)

So because of the ocean surges, the venue for the SGC for S.A.M.I Fashion Sales Fundraiser has been moved from the G12 Bar Oniru Private beach to the SS Lounge, Sapara Williams Close, off Idowu Martins (where we have Mega Plaza). The date is still the 28th of August (tomorrow) and it starts at 2pm. Celebrities will be there. The Press will be there. Fashion will soar while we touch the cell of someone precious.


Seriously though, this is not a nice development. I love my island and do not plan to relocate to the mainland. This is where it all goes down and forgive me for sounding posh but why would anyone not want to live on the island though? We are very organized here. No conductor shouting "Ketu, Ojota, Mile 12... wole!!!". No molue fighting with me for right of way on the road. I am scared of those contraptions. The traffic here is not filled with black smoke and rickety molues pushing me off my path and blocking my vision nor a danfo driver stopping smack in the middle of the road to jest with his fellow danfo driver who lost the speed race to him. Well, except you live in Obalende or go all the way to Ajah which I know will soon be posher than it is sef once these Hi-tech people stop focusing on the toll station and build the road they were commissioned to do.

I am seeing my dreams of owning a waterfront place in banana island going up in smoke... Noooo!!!!
Ocean surge, please stop!!! Do not ruin my dream since my days of reading Mills and Boon romances.

Okay, that's it. I am hungry. I need to go rustle up some breakfast now.  First though, somebody please help me tell Uncle Jona to stop bending head and start fighting these Boko Haram people fire-for-fire. The people we have lost were people with dreams like you and I. People with red sole louboutins that they would never wear again. Maybe someone we danced with in the club. Or crossed paths with in traffic, the bank, the mall... anywhere. They could be me or you!!! I do not want this fear we are being forced to live with!!! It is unhealthy and creeping the hell out of me. Please.

While I eat, please be safe!!

Hugs and hershey Kisses,


MIZ

Missed You I'm sure...

Yoo-Hooooo!!!!! Where is everyone at? Miz is here!!! *Did I hear a "Hallelujah!"?* I am truly so sorry I have been absent but it is not my fault... HRM has had me working like a slave!

..."Miz, that presentation has to be sent in to the client today. I know the deadline is still a week off, but be a darling and have it ready for presentation today."
  "I am sorry this is impromptu, Miz. My PA has booked you on the 1:45pm flight to abuja. The client needs to meet with us, and you are the best person to represent us. You return with the last flight..."


Haba!!! That man has a motive and I am going to discover what it is. I have this gut feeling that he is punishing me for showing him two gorgeous females (me included, of course) and letting him know he cannot have any. If na that one, wahala dey O! Because he will keep overloading me with work. I can work my way around it jor. Just a few smiles in his direction should do the trick. He's like Diva my adorable doggie. A few smiles and a pat on the head will have him wagging his tail again... Did I hear someone say "WOOF"? By the way, just so you know... Show HRM this post and you are barbeque.

Down to better gist jare. I love my life. There's never a dull moment. People around me entertain me endlessly. Allen was it for me this past weekend. She always has unbelievable gist. Sometimes I cannot help but wonder how fast her mind is to be able to fabricate juicy gists in a matter of minutes! Don't tell her I said so, but sometimes her gists are downright ridiculous. I will give you the gist in my next post because the story long no be small!

In other news, the abuja trip was not so bad after all because you-know-who was also in abuja and upgraded my return ticket to first class. More leg room and baggage allowance for me because I came back with "gifts" Life truly is bliss *aaaahhh...* Now if only the day could speed up. Is it still monday? Aaarrgghhh!!!

The weekend in Pictures

ugoSeke at the dinner

Miz ready for the WizKid launch