WE DON'T DO THE BRIDGES...

Hello again darlings! It's another Friday and I am abso-freaking-lutely ready to let my hair down and have me some fun!!! I will get to that after I am done with today's rant.
My post today was inspired by an article I came across in the GENEVIEVE magazine August 2011 issue. I copped its title for today's title, ha-ha. According to the author of the article, and I quote,

 "...If you are a JJC in town, I need you to be aware of one of the bigz girls' rules- we don't do the bridges!"


For those who do not totally understand the above (maybe because you are not a Nigerian?), JJC means "Johnny Just Come". It is a slang we use to refer to "Newbies/ Newcomers". And as for the "bigz girls", they are our equivalent of the "IT girls". The bridges being referred to here, are the bridges that connect the Lagos mainland areas to the Island that includes Victoria Island, Lekki and its environs, and Ikoyi. Long story short, it means we do not date anyone that lives across any of the bridges!
In Lagos, those who live on the Island are considered the "IT people"... rich and classy. Anything away from the Island is just... uuurrrggghhh!!! Ha-ha. Everything worth having is located on the island. The best houses (though most expensive), the best malls, the banging clubs, the beaches, the stores, the cars,... and the people! Little wonder people consider it the only place to be.

According to the author of this article, insisting on living in this choice area of the state is simply being greedy and over-the-top. Hmmnnn... Aunty, I totally understand the angle you are coming from but please who would rather eat spoilt cheese when you have the option of freshly-made? Like seriously? Call me whatever you want to but I will never live on the mainland except of course it is restored to order. Yes, I am defending my decision as well as that of plenty other ladies I know who chose to live nowhere else but on the Island.
I have plenty reasons to visit the mainland on a weekly basis, either en-route the airport or to visit a client for a meeting. And each of these times, I always find myself cussing out loud and shaking my fists at the insane bus drivers or in general annoyance at the disorganization. It is like one mad house. Granted there are select areas on the mainland worth living in, but why seek peace amidst chaos when I can be surrounded by total peace and harmony?

This is my beloved Island

I have never been able to drive without finding myself in some form of traffic where different hawkers crowd around my car attempting to sell their goods in nasal voices and frequent knocks on my window. This happens on the island too (sales in traffic, I mean) but it is no where near as annoying as that on the mainland. Voices attacking you from every corner and hawkers blocking the road you are to drive on.
The bus driver that decides to stop his vehicle smack in the middle of the road, to exchange blows and rough words with his conductor or another bus driver. Sometimes it is even a me-lee between the bus driver, his conductor, and their passengers or the touts that loiter the streets of Lagos siphoning money off of these people willing to actually work for their money.
The acrid smell of sweat slicked bodies that probably haven't seen water in days, the smoke from buses and cars that no longer belong on the roads but in museums, and the deafening sounds coming from fighting people to vehicles, and hawkers, and shops that compete with each other for the loudest sounding music players.

Typical Lagos Mainland Scene

A lot of people would argue with me that this is the very essence of Lagos. And that all I have described are the smells of the hustle that symbolizes Lagos city and yes, I can agree with that. That does not mean I want to live there however!! Nuh-uh!!!

I work hard to afford the lifestyle I have and any man that wants to marry me has to be able to keep me in that life style. And no, that is not me being "over-the-top", it is me being real and honest with you!! If you meet a girl who drives a Range and lives in a penthouse in one of the choicest areas of town, my dear, either you match/ surpass her, or you shift, biko. How do you expect the marriage to work? Trust me, even Waje will run 4-40 if a man with "One naira" comes to marry her despite her song proclaiming "mu na gi ga nu garri" For where?!

My kids must have better than I had growing up and darling, I had it good!! I am not willing to manage a situation that will have me pulling out my hairs daily till I'm totally bald. The only other city I can live in quite happily is Abuja but fear don dey catch me for that side sef. So dear future husband, if you come to me like MI saying "Love me though the money is a maybe..." and insist on living on the mainland, kindly do not come near me now at all. I will find another husband. I am willing to work with you to maintain the cheese, but I will not follow you to drink garri and develop kwarshiokor. Miz said so! Send me someone like TI who has got wads of naira and would be willing to put a big boy in my life so I never want for anything.

When I am even praying that my dear future husband would get us a house in banana island. I have even been saving to support that mission.

So yes, I am a Lagos babe and I don't do bridges!! Case closed!!

That settled, where are y'all going tonight? It's been a while since I went dancing and tonight I am going to show my moves like Jagger!! Yeah baby!!! Okay, maybe Jagger doesn't quite cut the image I want. I will just stick with Shakira with some Ciara thrown in.

Errr... LagosRain!!

White sand, blue waters, naughty cocktails, sea shells... Hmmmnnn


Sexy mini,fine wine, poetic and starry nights... Aaahh


Badass shorts, insane heels, wild gambling, high-end flirting... Wow!!!

I'm not going bananas (hahaha). Those are my fantasies right now before I pick which becomes reality for me. I'm talking of a vacation, darling!!!
Seychelles, Paris, or Vegas... I'm being pulled in every direction. Long throat is a wonderful thing! If I could, I would visit all of the above. Has the time for my reward not arrived? I should be having 6-month vacations twice a year, don't you agree? I didn't sign up to be a teacher so I can have my reward in heaven. I will appreciate them right now, thank you very much. God still has gifts waiting for me. I am not greedy to want a double dose. I am a very simple chic.

By the way, abeg abeg abeg, my fellow lagosians... WTH happened on sunday? That rain was badass!!! Started as a joke oh. Infact, I had made plans to drive Ivy to the airport so she could go see her fam in abuja before returning to New York at the end of the month. I had no idea how bad the rain was because I was holed up in my study working on a promo for one of my clients. My blackberry was not with me, or I would have seen some of the many broadcasts sent to my phone about the seriousness of the rain. Ol' boy, heaven vex oh!!!

Anyway, I did not come out of the study till Ivy pounded on the door so we could get going. I hurriedly threw some clothes on, grabbed my car keys and went downstairs. As I drove out, na river naija dey wait me for road. See flood eh!!! Feeling like a bonafide lagos driver, I manouevered my way through the water and drove out of the estate and towards Kingsway road. I was at Golden Gate when Somi called me.

"Madam how far? Una still dey house?" She asked
"No mami. We are on the road now. Kingsway." I replied
"Abeg make una no vex, turn back go house. Dem talk say high tension pole fall for 3rd mainland bridge, and Fashola don talk say make everybody dey indoors. Dis rain no be beans. Ivy can re-schedule her flight. Infact send me the details so I can do it right now. No airline in their right mind would even fly in this weather." Somi rapped with lots of drama

Sharp sharp, I took the next turn back towards falomo and safety. I explained the reason behind my move to Ivy, and Ivy who can shake at the slightest sound, didn't even raise a murmur in opposition. Hehe. Back to warmth for me. On getting home, I checked my BB and saw the crazy messages on BBM and twitter. Ali Baba cracked me up the most.

It was funny to indulge in jokes about the rain and floods. After-all that is what we do best as Nigerians, abi? We laugh when the sky is falling on our heads and invent crazy jokes to flow with it. However, the people that died as a result of the flood, are not an issue for laughter. My sympathy goes out to their family and friends. May the souls of the departed find rest in the after- life.

I refuse to end today on a sad note. So, I'm going to do my signature chicken dance while I plan my vacation. I wonder if I can talk Somi and Vixen into going with me. Talk to y'all later, people!!!
Hugs and hershey kisses!!!!

Last Night

I know I shouldn't have done it, but truth be told, I am pretty sure I would do it all over again if I were taken back in time! Yezzzuuurrrrr...!!! Last night was wickedt!!!
You must be wondering what I'm on today, but right now all I want to do is bust some moves right here in the boardroom... Errr, okay that's not technically true. Because, the only move I feel like doing right now is stretching out to sleep for at least 10hours. Uninterrupted. Instead I am stuck here in the boardroom for an impromptu meeting that has already lasted an hour. Worst part is, this is the most boring meeting ever. This man just keeps droning on and on like a mosquito, I think.

I seem to have lost my train of thought. Umm... Yeah. Last night! Last night was epic and I'd do it all over again (don't be mad, mama!). I was all tucked in for bed last night when my phone rang. It was Seke.

"Chic, you don dey sleep?" (That's Seke for you. She launches straight into convo)
"Just about to actually. I don lie down. This one you dey call me by 11:30pm, any better?"
"Hahaha. Wake up and get dressed jor! We are going out. O. F is in town."

The way I jumped out of the bed ehn!! You'd think she told me they are distributing dollars at falomo, which actually is almost same thing. When O. F is in town, things get popped!! He's Seke's very good friend and he sure knows how to deliver groove. He's rarely in the country, so now that he is... Your girl wasn't going to waste any time thinking of work tomorrow when I know I can down endless cups of coffee. Either I took leave of my senses, or my senses took leave of me because I'm suffering the side effects now. Chai!

I quickly got dressed and ran down to enter the cab that Seke sent to pick me up. I didn't even pause to see the type of cab. If na kidnap attempt, you'd have heard the ransom demand today because I would have made it so easy for them to take me. Hehehe. Please don't preach at me. My head hurts already.

So clubs are busy even on mondays? I just found out yesterday oh. We went to Aura, and it was filled! Kai Lagos, my Lagos...! See as all those bouncers started shouting around when they recognized O.F. Hehe. It's nice to be a star oh.
As expected, champagne flowed like water, and honestly I took just 2 glasses. I am not that stupid. Lol. But I danced like I'd be given an award. Reminds me of my childhood when I was still learning to dance. I'd be dancing so much (and quite energetically too), my mom would keep cheering me on "Go baby. Dance very well. When you are done I will give you parecetamol". Lmao I have never stopped dancing and I am now a pro. Lol
Best of all though, was the company. O.F is excellent company and together with his boys, I had many good laughs.
 "Damn!! How long has this man been asking me a question? I am so in it"